Photo by Nigel from Eventpix UK Ltd

Hello!

DAVID HASSELHOFF STOLE MY BAND

Well that’s not STRICTLY true, but various Worried alumni ARE backing him at the Bristol Hippodrome...
As the year staggers to a close, I’m able to review 2011 with a satisfied grin on the handsome mug. I’ve done, or begun to do, almost everything I set out to accomplish at the start of the year. January seems a long time ago now: it’s very easy to sneer at our slight achievements, but we will grow...and a new catalogue of possibilities is available. For instance, we’ve contributed a track in aid of the British Heart Foundation, which has won an award, the foreign stuff is bearing some valuable fruit and the recent gigs were very well attended and received...good that we’ve not been forgotten in places where we haven’t been able to visit for a while.
We’ve got a long way to go, but we’re trying very hard Faithful One; Happy New Year and don’t be a stranger!

THE DEVIL IN FISHNET STOCKINGS

It’s possible, Faithful One, that after such a rambunctious month as November, most men would just as agreeably rest on their laurels.
Magnificent gigs at Cherington and Scallys.
Jaw dropping receptions in Somerset.
Clasped to the collective bosom in Wales as per usual.
Whether the local publicity (including a fine colour piece in the Cotswold Journal) had much influence, I’ll reserve judgement, but we all enjoyed the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Yes sirree!
All in all, this has been a truly marvy year for us; probably more adventures than at any other time since we started....and next year bodes even more exciting prospects. I’m taking it for granted that you’ll be there with us....so till next time...Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.

Sincere THANKS to all of you who keep the faith....and HAVE MERCY, BABY.

HAVE THAT ONE WASHED AND BROUGHT TO MY TENT

THANK YOU for making the Swanage Blues Festival the ripsnorting humdinger that it was. I’ll just BET that some footage turns up on Youtube. The Moonrakers Rally was out of sight, as was the HOGGING THE BRIDGE gig. The new places last month gave us a big welcome too....
I know it’s a sore point, but the new record IS getting finished... it’ll be worth the wait, faithful one.
Among the treats which lie in wait for you is the gig at the CHEESE AND GRAIN with NINE BELOW ZERO on DECEMBER 10th. Ring me for your tickets....don’t miss this one playmates! Besides toiling away on the new record, a few other changes are under way...Europe is calling, as is...well, wait and see. Let’s just say that you won’t find me sunk in hoggish slumber, True believers!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO WAIT IN THE CAR

I know I know. Every year about this time I tell you how incredibly well we were received at Colne, how many people came to see us, etc. Well it was worse this year. The advance publicity claimed that we were the 'TALK OF THE FRINGE', besides other accolades which modesty precludes my repeating here. The upshot of all this was even more people and an even higher quotient of good feeling; take a bow, Les, Boat Julie, Full Figure Julie and the Sizzle Sisters.
But even the spangled magnificence of Colne was dwarfed by the Irish adventure. In a way, it's almost pointless me relating the fabulous welcome and reception meeted out to us, where we were granted the widest scope for self expression. Whatever I say, I'm going to look like a boasting swaggart, so I'll content myself with the memory of sailing through the aftermath of the recent hurricane. Some ships were cancelled, but our skipper was made of harder sinews and although the voyage resembled a bucking bronco with hiccups, your handsome matelot was discharged ashore, bloodied but unbowed....having been awakened by a ghost (possibly), chased out of my hotel wearing a small dog (definitely) and played a lovely gold topped Les Paul (thank you Graham Pilgrim).

THE HANDSOME ONE LOOKS TO THE WEST AND DIGS IT.

Some mind snapping gigs last month True Believers. NO TIME to let you know about our slot at the famous PONTARDAWE FESTIVAL but we still managed to mount an assault on decorum with those of you that could make the scene.
Scallys was a boss night too, one of the best for a long time!
As I write this, we’re getting ready for the Colne trip...with the Irish soiree looming ever closer.
A very switched on lady has offered to do some serious publicity for me, so if things go as planned, your handsome correspondent will shortly be UBIQUITOUS ("a reputation bigger than gasoline"). Also, all the foreign offers HAVE to mean a different way of conducting things. It’ll probably take a little while to strike the correct balance, but who knows?
I might be able to buy some more guitars.
Yours 'till the load out, Faithful One!

THE SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE BARING OF TEETH

Some of the recent gigs we've done have been amongst the most jumping and fabby EVER. The Upton and Borough festivals immediately come to mind. Unfortunately, others .....well.....I do honestly feel that I owe some True Believers an apology. Let me explain.
Obviously, I'm not going to be stupid enough to name names and declaim the wicked SPECIFICALLY, but I'm told that occasionally the staff in certain places are rude to the small but appreciative and increasingly irritated crowd that has come to hear us play.
Let me know whenever this occurs, and I won't go back there. It really is that simple.
If you're generous enough to allow me to support my (admittedly threadbare) lifestyle in a reasonably agreeable way, then I think you deserve a modicum of courtesy. Let me know when it happens....I don't want anyone ruining your evening except me.
Let's not end on a sour note; more foreign interest this week, Faithful Ones; they want me in Spain now.

THE EXILE OF THE HANDSOME ONE: IN WHICH OUR VAGABOND HERO ROAMS THE WORLD, FLEEING FROM THE MEMORY OF THE TERRIBLE THINGS HE'S DONE...

So many people came out to see us in June that I find it difficult to believe there's a recession. In Taunton, they even camped overnight!
The Isle of Wight adventure was wonderful; should the Irish spree turn out to be half as enjoyable I shan't complain. Finns keeps getting better and better and the Borough Blues Festival was a dream.
I didn't have time to tell you about the gig at H.M.S. Sultan but Her Brittannic Majestys Senior Service made us MOST welcome, and the show ran with the sort of precision that made the landlubbing Handsome One gape in admiration!
I'm still fixing up the Dutch dates in between working on the new record; both items are choice cuts guaranteed to gladden the hearts of True Believers everywhere!

Don’t be a timid curtain peeper Faithful One; get involved!

A NEW CAREER IN A NEW TOWN

Modesty precludes reporting all the accolades with which we were showered in May (sometimes in the MOST unlikely settings), but it was marvy to see so many of you in Bridgwater and at Finns...the welcome was staggering after all this while!
I didn’t have the time to tell you all about the gig at the Tawe Delta Blues Club, but some of you winkled us out just the same and partied on down.
As you can see, more new places, more bike shows and blues festivals this month and the new record is shaping up to be quite something.
You may well be sharing some surprises with us soon...perhaps necessitating a whole new way of going about things.
What a handsome pragmatist I am True Believers!

YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR ARM AROUND A MEMORY

Lots and lots to spill this month true believers, so pardon me if it seems more fragmented than somewhat. I’m pressing on with the foreign dates. Ireland and the Isle of Wight are buttoned down and Holland is being sorted out even as we speak. I’ll tell you what though, the logistics of moving three poltroons and a van load of hardware across the rolling Maine is more involved than I’d imagined. Goodness knows how circuses move elephants around. Good job I have the assistance of JOHAN the salt stained peg-legged sea rover to deal with the Netherlands.
Back at good old FINNS in Weymouth this month...come and make the scene with us, it’s BOUND to be a righteous evening. Speaking of which, don’t forget your tickets for the Cheese and Grain date with Nine Below Zero! Give me a call on the usual number...it’s later than you think Faithful One!
A LOAD of you turned out to greet us in April and I’m being welcomed back into places where thought I’d been overlooked. So thank you, y'all!
Anyway, I’m waiting until I think that everybody who wants a copy of the Christmas recordings has asked, then I’ll do one big old mail out.
Hands up who remembers Doughnut from the Double Deckers!
Till later keep watching the skies!

FORD TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI

If you came to see us in February, you may not have realised it, but we were using GREEN DAYS drums. No, I haven’t been at the Fruit Punch, it’s true.
Unfortunately, there was no time to tell you about the gig with WISHBONE ASH, but I CAN let you know that we’re playing with our good buddies NINE BELOW ZERO at the Cheese and Grain on May 28th. As always, ring me for your tickets; cheaper for you, better for me, true believers!
Probably because we don’t share other bands regrettable lack of respect for young womanhood and disgraceful table manners we’ve been booked to play in Ireland and the Isle of Wight. I’m still confirming the rest of the world, mellow ones. I did have a most interesting meeting with a gentleman from Holland the other night...AGAIN!
Smashing prose and an engaging pic of your handsome pal in the Ocelot - a magazine you should support.
Don’t forget to let me know if you want a copy of the solo tracks I recorded over the Christmas period....still MORE new places to visit this month; fancy it, Faithful One?

Well, well, well! Just had a BOSS night at the Greyhound in Swindon; as so often, this worthy guzzle shop springs to my aid in times of need...and thanks to so many of you for coming to see us!
Some of my earlier recordings are available from I-Tunes; if I make another record (stop sniggering at the back!), I’ll have to ensure to enlist that medium. Unless I’m carted off by an alien queen to assist her in repopulating her planet (nice work if you can get it). I’ll see you soon, True believers!

SET THE CONTROLS FOR THE HEART OF THE SUN

Just been reading a piece in Q magazine about Mick Kirton doing a drum solo with his arm in a sling. A band I’d played with (oh SO many years ago) have tentatively reformed and I was invited to be a part of it ... dates were mooted and venues booked....but these things end for a reason and it’s probably best to remember the larks we’d enjoyed back when the world was young and we were golden with promise.
My amplifier and speaker cabinet were obtained for me in 1988. I’ve used them with a punishing schedule which makes B.B.King seem workshy...around 200 gigs per year. I’m starting to think that they must be the most CONSISTENTLY USED bits of hardware in England. I think I’ll get in touch with the Guinness book of records to find out if I qualify for a listing.
When we played in Tredegar recently, Ray Phillips from Budgie came to see us. After a leisurely few hours engaged in badinage with Ancient Road Warrior Kirton, he got up to drum with us. If the planets align correctly we’ll be playing together some more. You never know!
Quite a few of you have been generous enough to enquire about my health of late. Went to hospital last week for painful TESTS...electric shock type things. Ow.
Got some new places to play besides dates on the Isle of Wight (later) and Europe (much later).
And if all THAT wasn’t enough, I recorded three tracks over the Christmas period. As before, your handsome chum is playing everything...I’m not going to issue it commercially, but if any True Believers want a copy, let me know!
It’s later than you think, Faithful One!

A FOOLS LAMENT IS THE WISE MANS MILKSHAKE....

There’s a website, I think it’s based in America, called THE LOUIE REPORT, dedicated to all things connected with the popular beat tune "LOUIE LOUIE". Well, our rendition has won us the fiercely contested accolade of "LOUIE OF THE WEEK"!
Thanks a whole big bunch, Louie watchers!
It’s happened before but once again an autographed picture of The Handsome One is being sold on E-Bay.
Dovetail Strings have generously made some plectra for me; I’m sure this fine product will improve the crude yet exciting style which has propelled me to fame with such dizzying velocity.
Come and see us soon and let me know, Faithful One!

PLUS CA CHANGE, PLUS C'EST LA MEME

Sorry for the apparent whimsicality regarding webstuff, computers and even the phone recently. All of that stuff is provided by the same people and the service hasn’t been ideal. Some other people have told me that THEIR regular cyber duties have been touch and go too, so its not just OUR little luddite scene that’s suffered. Various theories rest the blame on the weather, the season of goodwill and even the amount of web traffic generated by the Coronation Street storyline. Beats me. All I know is we’re back!
I had a really big old-dude -type health scare recently. The kind which can cause a reevaluation of ones life. Just as I was weighing up the options, an odd series of events came into play and fate took an interest in your handsome chum. A very well connected player from my past popped up out of the blue and, with no prompting from me, made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. With the old-dude-type health concern still on my mind I decided to go for it. The upshot of this is some new faces on the scene...but ones whose pedigrees you’ll instantly recognise and applaud. On a prosaic level, doors are opening for me even more readily than previously and as a result of the medical attention I received, I’m actually playing the guitar better than I have for a few years. I hope you’ll agree that I’m not a boastful man but trial gallops indicate that this latest edition is quite something. Cats, believe me, when serendipity knocks you have to answer! Once again, I find myself adorning the front cover of the SCRUMPY AND WESTERN magazine. It’s not a photo that I’ve ever seen before....hooray for Scrumpy Ken!
A really-truly record company have gotten hold of some recordings which I did in the mid-80s and released them. It’s quite different to what I’m doing these days, but I’m glad that the tracks have finally found a wider audience.
I notice that we’re back in Gloucester soon. Last time we played there, as I was putting the guitar in the car, I noticed a witch waving a crossbow being spun around and around in a shopping trolley. Now that’s not something you see every day is it?
Happy New Year Faithful One!

THE APE WHO SPEAKS

Many, many marvellous things are happening for us at the moment True Believers; so much so that I’m in danger of missing out on real gilt-edged opportunities as I stand and gape like a want-wit.
Tremendous scenes of felicitous merrymaking and deep joy in Bradford-on-Avon, Fareham and the Red Hot Club and should you like to see what you’ve missed - why, simply dial up MORTIFROGS CHANNEL on your computer and you’ll be rewarded with more Youtube Handsome cavortings than you can shake a stick at!
I’ll see you in my dreams Faithful One....ah, what fools these mortals be!

AND I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT HER AND SURVIVE

(Just the briefest of scribbles this month true believer - half of what I say is meaningless but I say it just to reach you...)
A while back someone told me that a man could consider himself fortunate to have 5 real friends. Well, I must be lucky indeed, as it felt as though I had a whole room full helping me celebrate my birthday at the Two Pigs! If you were there then you’ll know that the faithful travelled from Gloucestershire, London, Dorset, Hampshire and other places to join me. Yet again, boss words and snappy pics in the Ocelot, Live Wire magazines and the trusty old Swindon Advertiser. Viva the Fourth Estate!
Hope you enjoyed the gig with the truly marvy Juicy Lucy; Dan Benson has put some clips on Youtube should you fancy reliving the thrills!
Can you believe that the Reverend Spadge Dooley has released a record entitled "Please stop stamping on my head"? Sounds too good to miss!
Certain streets have certain corners. Sooner or later I’ll turn yours.

THE BOY WHO LEFT HOME TO FIND FEAR

Such a lot to spout this month Faithful One!
Let me start by saying that I’m not sure if I’ll actually make it back from this years Colne experience; Last weekend we did a gig in Tredegar which cost us two motor cars, besides the van becoming poorly. It was only the mighty Bicycle Repair Man, emerging from the glistening night, who saved the day! Also, since we last spoke, the Flying V has gone to America AGAIN and another amplifier has gone up in smoke. So for all I know my place could be taken by a pigs head on a stick.
Before I forget I owe apologies to two persons: for all I know they may not care to have their names bandied about the interweb, so suffice it to say that I promised a gentleman in Bristol that I’d play "Back in the Night" for him and I didn’t. This was because I forgot. Secondly, a longstanding True Believer was very kind to me in Liddington and I didn’t take the chance to thank him properly, merely mouthing a series of platitudes. I’m glad I have the chance to redress things here.
The big news is on September 13th we’re recording a live album at the Two Pigs in Corsham, so come on over to my place and party hearty!
Also, on September 16th, we’re at Riffs Bar in Swindon with blues-rock legends JUICY LUCY, who you’ll remember from their huge hit "Who do you Love?"! Tickets are only £5, so ring me on 0779 2073086 to get yours mellow one!

SIX EYES, ONE VISION

Okay, true believers - short and snappy this month!
Thanks for making such a big fuss of me at Upton Blues Festival!
In a couple of weeks, we’re off to the Great British R & B Festival in Colne for our traditional appearances; might see you there? Let’s see how much trouble we can get in.
If you click on the "Reviews" page of the website you can sneak a peek at an account of our Huntingdon Hall gig as seen by BLUES IN BRITAIN magazine.
Planning to record a live album at the Two Pigs in Corsham on September 13th ...which is also my birthday! Come along and get your voice on the record and your name on the sleeve!
Besides all THIS, I’m zipping over to Germany to sort out some European dates.
Right...see you at the weekend, Faithful One!

SI TU DOIS PARTIR

Remember last month Johnny Kinkade was repairing the broken headstock on my Les Paul Jr? No sooner had it returned from his tender ministrations when I broke my Flying V and in the middle of a live podcast too! Honestly, if my guitars could speak I’d be on the Jeremy Kyle show for abuse.
More and more people are coming to see us these days...thanks for all your continued support true believers!
Big shout out to CESAR who’s playing us on his radio show; tune into www.radiocoteaux.com and www.radiovassiviere.com to get hip to his trip!
More festivals and bike shows this month and then it'll be.....COLNE!
See you in a couple of days, Faithful One!

THE WEEK LOOKED GOOD ON PAPER

Doubtless you’ve heard of the marvy run of gigs recently, particularly at Tredegar and Corsham? Thanks playmates for the appreciation!
Started work on the next album, to be called "THE NEW TESTAMENT". I’m intending for most of it to be live, but there are a few unique personal tunes which you must hear as well. I’ve always boasted that I make special music for special people, and I intend to keep my word this time too. Did you enjoy the Wilko Johnson and Juicy Lucy gigs?
More to follow later in the year, faithful one!
Hey! If sartorial correctness is your bag, our new vests and double-sided t-shirts should tickle your toaster-don’t feel left out this summer...promote your chest with a Worried Men vest!
Right...lunch time!
See you at the Cheese and Grain with Peter Green on Sunday true believer!

I’VE NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKEN WINGS

Quick update faithful ones;
There’s a lot happening in May and you know how you get if you miss out!
On May 6th we’re playing in Bristol with JUICY LUCY. Should be a magnificent evening of blues rock and guitar histrionics!
May 13th sees us at Huntingdon Hall in Worcester with WILKO JOHNSON.
May 30th we’re at the Cheese and Grain, Frome with Fleetwood Mac twilight mysterioso PETER GREEN.
When you decide which shows engage your fancy (indeed, how could you resist?), please give me a ring on 0779 207 3086. It’s cheaper for you and better for me if we do the ticket thing between ourselves.
Before I forget, thank you for coming to see us with DUMPYS RUSTY NUTS and WISHBONE ASH recently.
You did us proud, true believers!

NO-ONE BUT YOU AND I, SAY THE BELLS OF PRINCE FAR-I

I’m so glad I didn’t go to an American University; they all seem to be chock-full of vampires. But anyway, you cheeky young cubs; as all too often happens, more last minute gigs popped up which we had no time to tell you about. We’re working hard to improve the information service, but for now, apologies if you missed us. All this weekend, Sunshine FM. has been playing our records; I’m a housewives favourite, faithful ones!
The Live Wire magazine said some good things about me, but I’ll tell you this anyway...they’re really dedicated to live music and deserve your support, cats. A welcome change from the usual squirming bag of appetites!
Thanks for the welcome at Ringwood; we had a really boss time!
And speaking of boss times...the recent Portcullis gig was a lovely surprise. I don’t play in Bristol much so this was a rare old treat (sincere thanks to the people who asked about my health).
We’re playing UPSTAIRS at the Portcullis with JUICY LUCY on May 6th.
Call me on 0779 207 3086 for your tickets, pals.
Did you enjoy the Johnny Winter show? I was invited onto the White Tornados bus and he said some very complementary things about my playing. As an upshot of the evenings success, we’re back at the Cheese and Grain in May with Peter Green.
If I were prey to mortal passions, I’d be stoking up for a modest blush, True believers!

IT TOOK FIFTEEN YEARS BEFORE SOMEONE POINTED OUT I HAD NO GUITAR PLAYING TALENT,
BUT I COULDN’T STOP BECAUSE BY THEN I WAS TOO WELL KNOWN

Well, howdy true believers!
Had an unexpected telephone call the other night. As you know, we’re getting a fair bit of radio play at the moment, both here and abroad. But I wasn’t prepared for a DJ from Radio Caroline to call me, raving about the record they’d been playing. I was assured that they were enjoying it to the extent that after the show, they took the platter home to play in the car! As a stripling, I listened diligently to Radio Caroline, I dug it the most, cats. Can you imagine the thrill I got? If I ever make another record it might make album of the week!
More nice gigs on the horizon, this time with blues-rock legends JUICY LUCY. As you know, we’ve played together before, and it’s usually a gas. I’ll give you more details as the dates get closer.
Please don’t forget your tickets for the JOHNNY WINTER gig at the Cheese and Grain.
Give me a call on 07792 073 086 and I’ll sort it out.
Once again, great words and a snappy pic of The Handsome One in the Ocelot.
THIS JUST IN: on May 9th I’m doing an interview and an hour-long session on tv. Again, more details nearer the time. Aren’t I the very devil of a fellow faithful ones?

IF I ONLY HAD ONE LEG I’D BE STAGGERING

Hot dog! Loads to tell you, true believer! We’re getting SO MUCH European airplay - and you should see the responses that were getting from the listeners! Honestly, it’s a mind snapper, dad!
The erstwhile faint rumblings of foreign gigs are slowly becoming more and more definite, encouraging me to discard my shabby cloak of uncertainty and lethargy and don my shining rainment of optimism. I’ve even taxed the mighty DAIMLER for twelve months, instead of the traditional six!
As a result of the interest abroad, domestic radio stations and magazines have been yowling for records. In fact, recently I arrived at a new venue to find two or three writers (I forget) keenly waiting for the Handsome One. When I bade them approach the presence, they turned the colour of dog sick, such was their awe.
Please don’t forget all the tickets for the bigger shows!
Check out Kevin’s site www.myspace.com/jamiethyer39sworriedmen for all the relevant sniff-snaff. Actually, Kevin’s rather cross with me at the moment. Last week he kept loudly demanding another ice cream, and when I demurred, he started kicking the seat of the child in front.
Stay tuned for more big-headed swanking, faithful one!

THESE SHOES CAN PICK WINKLES AT 100 PACES

Well, here’s a novelty. March 25th sees us at the Vic in Swindon with Nordic guitar hero KRISSY MATTHEWS who is currently building a name in Europe as one of the brightest new blues rock players.
Y'all know the drill by now; call me on 0779 207 3086 for your ticket, true believer, or as Mott the Hoople would say, "Are you going to be there? I got my invite!".

LIFT UP YOUR SKIRT AND FLY!

True believers! On April 25th we’re playing at Mr Kyps with WISHBONE ASH!
We’ve played with them before and I can tell you that the elegance of the Ash guitars is only rivalled by their generosity as people.
I can honestly say that missing this event would be like missing your birthday.
You can get your discounted tickets from me; call me on 0779 207 3086 faithful one!

AINT THIS WHAT LIVING IS ALL ABOUT?

We’re doing a series of dates with DUMPYS RUSTY NUTS, metal icons and festival favourites.
The biker boogie king takes on the rich woman’s plaything with no holds barred!
Its going to be a real knock-down bare knuckle slice of prime boogaloo, tiny ones!
The first confirmed date is APRIL 22nd at RIFFS BAR, Greatfield, Swindon
Tickets are only £6 in advance and £8 on the door.
Ring me on 07792 073086 to stake your claim to some real rock action thrills

MICK GREEN

It is with profound and sincere sympathy that I have to report the passing of PIRATES guitar colossus MICK GREEN.
As you know we were booked to play with him, but his incipient illness precluded it.
Others elsewhere are making more profound statements, but I will say THIS, and I want you to bear me witness:
He was one of only two people I have ever asked for an autograph;
He was among the very few who genuinely added something to the guitars vocabulary.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye.

IT’S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

Hey! Thanks for all the Christmas greetings! I’m told we’re doing the support on the next Johnny Winter tour. Put it this way, we’ve got tickets for you, so if you want to see us perform with the white tornado, give me a ring. Another artiste with whom we’ve been booked to appear is Wilko Johnson, but that’s not for a while yet.
Gingstock was a riot, as was the Shipston gig. Thanks for coming to see us; especially those of you that travelled. There are at least two international acts wanting to perform in this country with us in 2010.Too early yet to be confident of it happening, but I’ll tell you more as soon as I can.
Following the success of our Tyla Gang ticket sales, we’ve been offered carte blanche with regard to supports at Mr Kyps. Have a ‘shufti’ and let me know who you’d like to see us with.
Amongst the many presents which I received this year (ever seen "Citizen Kane"?) was a Top Gear STRETCHY STIG. In the box was a formal warning advising me that if the Stretchy Stig was wrapped around someone’s neck it could cause strangulation!!!!
Now y'all know me; an eccentric guy who learned to do a couple of cool things - but this year I’m really going to try and make something of myself. Follow up a few opportunities. Fancy tagging along?

No lights on the Christmas tree mother....they’re burning Big Louie tonight

Januarys Wunderbar gig represents our 2500th performance...as far as I can calculate anyway. I’d be there if I were you; it’s usually a scintillating ding-dong where one is knee-deep in Midsomer Nortons smart set.
Damn you, papparazzo! Get back behind that velvet rope!
Kevin’s built some websites honoring my achievements. There’s a fansite on Facebook and if you look on Myspace under Jamie Thyer39s Worried Men, there I am as well. Unfortunately, I’m too old and infirm to conduct these myself, so if you need to speak with me, either e-mail me at Jamie@theworriedmen.com or use the telephonic communication apparatus.
I’m busting a gut to ensure that you get your free cds this side of Christmas; the response was overwhelming. Shaking the tree boss!
Ooooh - I’ve had a request from a French radio station to broadcast my records; this could be the start of my long-awaited international career! If loving me is wrong, they don’t want to be right, those poor Jamie-starved Europeans.
I know that for some of you it’s been a rotten year, so thanks for sticking with me. I’ve always boasted that I make special music for special people and I get letters, emails and texts all the time to confirm it. I want you to know that I’m proud of you. If the indications are correct, 2010 will be marvy faithful ones; and as one Christmas turkey said to the other Christmas turkey: "At least I’m not Tiger Woods".

Arooga! Arooga!

Don’t know if you’ve been following my adventures in the media these past few weeks, but so far I’ve been in the Bath Chronicle, Western Daily Press, the Times (I think) and today I should be in the Sun.
I’ve done a live radio interview for BBC radio Wiltshire and practically got my own column in the Swindon Advertiser.
All this to try to help keep live music going at pub level.
Anyway, besides all this braggadocio, I want you to know that New Years Eve sees me at the Sun in Liddington. We’re going to have a real bohemian love-in, I’m going to get some guests from other bands to get up and do their party pieces and it’s bound to be sizzling.
I reckon it’ll be ticket only; best ring me for details-make it sharpish though because these babies will be HOT!
OK! Back to the record.

A Christmas Camel (or Darwin was wrong – He meant survival of the fattest)

Well true believers, you’ll never believe this!
I’ve just got home from a gig in Chepstow. Behind the bar was a watercolour picture of yours truly. Given that I’ve never ever been there before, I think you’ll agree that it’s a tad curious!
I hope you join us for Gingstock on boxing night! It’s usually a snappy counterblast to the post Christmas comedown.
Big shout out to all of you who came to see us in the New Forest. Sorry about the rogue cows!
I’ve got your tickets for the gig with the Tyla Gang at Mr Kyps. You can call me on 07792 073086 to sort it out – only £6 from me which I’m assured is a snip!
Besides the gigs mentioned above you may very well notice me playing with some Distinguishing Artistes – boyhood heroes no less. Keep watching the skies faithful ones!
I hope you have a superfunk Christmas and a Golden New Year!

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORMS

Remember when we played those boss gigs at MR KYPS in Poole with WILKO JOHNSON and NINE BELOW ZERO? Well, we’re appearing there again on DECEMBER 10th, but this time with the TYLA GANG.
Y’all remember Sean Tyla from DUCKS DELUXE? Well, he’s back and he’s kicking it Old School. I haven’t seen this new incarnation but if the “Godfather of boogie” can whip it out like in the days of yore, then it should be hot enough to fry your boots!
As always you can email me or ring me on 0779 207 3086 for your tickets: in fact I’d rather you did because it’s the only way I get paid and it’s cheaper for you (also Mr Kyps gets impressed by the level of your support which leads to more gigs for me and more larfs for you)!
I hope you have an unusual day!
Smell you later true believer!

Reconnais Cherie!

We had some more short notice gigs last month. Sorry, but there was no time to tell some of you about various dates at the Two Pigs, not to mention a whole weekend at Riders Harley-Davidson dealership.
Faithful ones with perceptive optics may have noticed some new (and frankly some old) faces in the ranks of late. Once again the Worried Men are on the march towards the sun dappled uplands of success! More news as it happens!
A glowing review in “Blues in Britain”! Ding Dong!
We’ve got some new t-shirts and vests – I’ll update the website soon, but I’m not perfectly happy with the photos just yet.
The free CD of new tracks is underway, intended to gladden the heart of every true believer on the mailing list!
For the first time in something like ten years we’re playing at the Royal Oak, Cromhall. I’d really like to make a good impression, any support you can lend us will be more than appreciated!
I’m seriously thinking of going to Brighton to get a job working with whales. By now I’m well used to being around blubbery mammals near to extinction.
Keep it between the hedges cats and kittens!

And when they met it was moider!

Made it back from Colne. What a weekend!
Thanks to CD and T-shirt sales, got to stay in an elegant hotel and came home with gold in both my fists shouting “Yippee Yippee”. So big shout out to full figure Julie, Les, the Sizzle Sisters and all the usual true believers. See y’all next year!
Having once again stepped into the breach, Ben resumes his regular life of highly rewarding tours, theatres, tv and radio, together with the odd chart bound sound. I’ve shared some of my greatest adventures of the past thirty odd years with Ben, but this recent month I think we’ve laughed more than we usually do.
Front and centre for Kevin Rowe. After fourteen years in the wilderness, the only bass playing Jack Russell in the world returns. Old timers will remember Kevin from the “Wünderbar” album and it seems that he’s also been laying waste to Amy Winehouse and Joss Stone’s bands. He thinks he’s jumped on the gravy train: the poor deluded mite doesn’t realise it’s actually the caravan of forgotten dreams. I proffer not argument nor resistance.
As a gesture of genuine thanks, all faithful ones whose names adorn the mailing list will receive a free CD of new material – not available anywhere else!
Now see if you can guess the time without looking at your watch!

So it’s come to this

By the time you read this, I’ll have returned from Colne, which is usually a most lively source of material. Look forward to thrilling accounts of this most agreeable and glamorous pursuit (insofar as it be within my poor ability) next month, when I’m not subject to cranial firestorms or shattered like a glass goblin.
True believers, thanks for travelling to see us at Weymouth and Honiton recently! According to the promoter, he’s had lots of positive comments about our set with Dr. Feelgood too!
Next week (or last week when you receive this) we’re with Maggie Bell and Kenney Jones (of Who and Small Faces fame) at Gosport, so bring me my Ferrari of burning gold!
Also ... due to genuinely unforeseen developments (well, unforeseen by me, but I don’t see Christmas coming) I might just have another record out before the end of the year!
I know civilisation won’t have advanced an inch but I might be able to put some petrol in the car.
Now, reshake this cocktail and don’t drown the gin!

P.S. Have you seen me on the front cover of SCRUMPY AND WESTERN? I make a fair poster child for such an ugly wretch, don’t I?
P.P.S. Good to see so many faithful ones at Bridgewater and Taunton. Let’s not leave it so long again!

Grow your hair long, baby, can’t go wrong

Well, hello there, true believer! I’ve been very busy since we last spoke; hope you enjoy the additions to the website? Besides writing frightening verse to a buck toothed girl in Luxembourg, I’ve been doing a fair bit of recording, some of which ended up sounding like other people, but I’ve tried to pass it off as pastiche (you know, pastiche, what Sean Connery eats in Cornwall).
Again, boss words in the Ocelot magazine, so big hurray to Agony Boy!
The website photo of the Andover gig doesn’t begin to convey the story of the riotous cavorting that ensued, but it does go some way to share the flavour of the event.
On my recent hot air balloon ride, the basket got dragged along the ground quite fiercely (Bang “ow” Bang “ow”) so if I’m more vacant than usual when next we meet, that might be why!
As you can see we’re going back to the Colne Blues Festival, where the local maidens are fair of tale and comely of form (although despite boasting countenances of rare charm they do tend to utter wolfish cries after a stiff tot). As promised we’ll be running our regular competition “Name Julie’s buttocks and win a pony” again.
Right, back to my hog snoring. See you later faithful one!

P.S. Do you realise my car has done the equivalent mileage of traversing the globe seven times?

We’re not bad people, we’re not dirty, we’re not mean. We love everybody but we do as we please

May was certainly another trend setting pinnacle for these slime encrusted road warriors!
First of all, thanks to Fran for alerting me when my waistcoat caught alight in Newton Abbott.
Also, big shout out to Abe and all the true believers who travelled to see us at Upton.
How do I describe the Wilko Johnson gig at Mr Kyps without sounding like I’m swanking? Loads of you there, a knockout reception . . . . .Probably the first time I’ve ever been cheered for drinking a cup of tea! (I did drink it really classy though)!

Reality is so unspeakably sordid, it makes me shudder. However, we’re doing a few festivals and suchlike in July – Why don’t you clock out of the old yawn factory and meet us there, faithful one?
T’il then, keep sexing those toads, y’hear?

Fabulous facts and frivolous fables for frantic fans faithful friends and fiendish foes

Here’s how well things are going. As soon as we publish the gig list, more dates come in!
For instance now I find out on June 14th we’re at The Duke of Edinburgh, Brixton. No staring into space sucking pencils around HERE, true believer! By the way, here’s how you get your tickets for the Mr Kyps gig, May 30th. When you pull up, ring me on the mobile 07792 073086 and I’ll come out and give you your tickets!

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved ... The ones who never yawn or say a common place thing”

What did you think of my happening at the Two Pigs? Eloquent? Provocative? Toe-curling? (Hmmmm....)
Put me in mind of the old sketch “History Today” where the two elderly professors start to discuss lofty themes only to quickly descend into infantile antics.
We’ve got some gigs later in the year with Kenney Jones of The Who and Maggie Bell from Stone the Crows. Give us a ring if you fancy making the scene 01291 629888.
Thank you very much indeed for the marvy reception when we played with Wishbone Ash. I’ve just read a couple of really nice reviews of us on the Wishbone Ash website! Thanks cats!
More new places this month; dig you later!

P.S. Although we’ve been playing at the Old Ale House in Salisbury for over ten years, nothing prepared me for the amount of people that came to see us or the great reception!

No matter how the caliphs may cut about the bread we’ll give you better music because we care about your head

Howdy, members of the Loving Public!
Once again due to your diligence and generosity, another gig has sprouted up for the world’s longest lasting chimp’s tea-party.
On May 17th we’re off to the Riverside Club, 66 High Street, Tewkesbury.
It’s an 8.45pm start so get thee to bed true believer!
It’ll be May 17th before you know it!

The Rock Island Line is a Mighty Good Road ....

Must be due for another thrill packed ramble with the world’s oldest toddler group. As time elapses the similarity between The Worried Men and Top Gear becomes ever more striking. Both feature a trio of middle aged fashion criminals attempting impossible challenges which only end in fire or drowning.
Most sincere thanks to all of you who have been recommending us to promoters, publicans, etc. As you can see we’re visiting heaps of new places we wouldn’t even know of without your help.
If there’s somewhere you’d like to see us play either let us know or tell the grown up in charge of the venue.
It’s fabby when we get to a gig and see you and it’s particularly nice when you come up and speak with us.
Oooh – just remembered! We’re doing a gig with Dr Feelgood soon and another radio broadcast. Tell you more about it later ...

Just another day in paradise

Just got back from a smashing gig at the Windsor Hotel in Barry, where, during a frank discussion about quality bands it was pointed out that we’re playing at Fagin’s in Taffs Well on April 30th (good job someone knows what’s going on).

Just before that, on 28th April Something Else is happening.
I don’t know quite how to describe the event, but Dickie Doyle, mine host of The Two Pigs at Corsham, has engaged me to give a demonstration on how I play the guitar without effects. (I’ll give it all of two minutes before I start showing off and acting stupid). Anyway, you’re all invited to come and gawp at The Star, who may or may not be dressed like the guest of honour at a chimps’ tea party. Should make for an excellent night!

All Hide! Here comes the dog-like groove!

First, the jolly stuff! We’ve still got a few tickets left for the gig we’re doing at the Cheese & Grain with Wishbone Ash. You can get yours by ringing 01291 629888. Secondly, after this month, there’s a prize for the first person to correctly guess the source of the Hello! headline. Could be a record title, a quote from a book, anything, but I’ll try not to make them too obscure, unlike the one above which is from a Nick Lowe album sleeve – originally in Japanese!
Now, a serious question: How does Uri Geller get into his house? Surely all his door keys must bend in his hand?
Sorry if you were frightened by my amplifier catching fire at the Cat and Wheel. Sorry also if you came to see us the following night and it DIDN’T catch fire. As I write this I’ve just had to decline supporting Johnny Winter as we’re supporting Wilko Johnson the same night. Couldn’t make it up could you?
Thanks for continuing to support The Worried Men – beware of worthless and fraudulent imitations!

How to run a Bently on ten bob a day

Hokee – Dokee. I’m with you. You’ve heard all about our gig on April 25th at The Cheese & Grain with Wishbone Ash and you’re worried you won’t be able to get tickets. Fret no more, faithful one! Just ring 01291 629888 and you shall once more know contentment.
Also, the tickets for our gig at Mr Kyps in Poole with Wilko Johnson are ready for you.
As always, it’s cheaper for you and better for us if y’all get the tickets directly from ourselves: it’s the only way that we get paid and with your help we get to impress the venues with the strength of your support, hence more gigs!
C’mon – get involved! This is something we can all enjoy! (Unlike that big pile of Van Morrison souvenir cycling shorts still collecting dust in the corner)!

Once More Into The Nova Heat Zone

First of all, prayers are invited for Mick Green, iconic guitarist with The Pirates, whose serious ill health has caused our gig with them to be rescheduled.
We’re doing quite a few festivals – ironically with some of our other personal heroes – later this year. Some of these are still subject to contractual confirmation, so in order to avoid egg-on-face occurrence, I’ll blab the details nearer the time.
In between toiling away in a (very) glamorous studio working on a new album, I’ve constantly been attempting to upgrade the website – Let’s have those photos you heathen dogs!
Yours ‘til the load out ...

P.S. The programme for the Worcester festival describes me as “the most famous blues-rock guitarist in the country, whose band The Worried Men is famous throughout Europe for hard-bitten R&B”. That should put a few noses out of joint!

Now dig this! Now dig this!

Wahoo true believers!
On March 14th we’re appearing with the Pirates at the Thunderbolt in Bristol.
On May 30th Wilko Johnson has us on his bill at Mr Kyps in Poole and if that wasn’t enough your favourite nuclear beat combo are supporting Wishbone Ash at the Cheese & Grain in Frome.
There are more and bigger booked for later in the year but for now call 01291 629888 and get your mitts on some tickets!
Even Bryan Chapman’s leaving his cave for these treats!

Boom Shak-A-Lak Rude Boy!

Due to the short notice we couldn’t tell you about the recent gig at Riffs – one of the best receptions we’ve had there!
Likewise the wild raving scenes at The Pig Inn at Gloucester; thanks a whole big bunch!
February is a bit quiet as we’re putting together a new show and I’m doing a few interviews and promotional things for the higher profile gigs later in the year. While I’m at it I intend to revamp the website, so please let me have your photos for inclusion.

Here’s a bedtime story from venerable Yoda:
"The tooth fairy once went to get one of Dracula’s fangs but the castle was really dark and she cut herself on the fang by mistake and ever since then she’s been a blood-sucking vampire tooth fairy. Anyway, Goodnight"

Dancing Space Potatoes? You bet!

Fancy calling it dyslexia, a word nobody can spell.
I mean, if you were a dyslexic pervert, you might go into S&M and buy a nice cardigan! Or if you were a dyslexic pimp, open your own warehouse! Or a dyslexic rock star you might choke on your own vimto!

On Your Knees, Earthlings!

Picking up isn’t it? From January onwards we should be back to normal ….. gig wise anyway. In fact, we’re doing so well that my grocer sells me rotten spuds. He thinks I can afford it!
We’re doing a lot of gigs in Wales at the moment, thanks to the Welsh Mafia; they made me an offer I couldn’t understand. Mind you, at least they don’t point at aeroplanes like some places we play.
(If it wasn’t for Emmerdale I wouldn’t get any fresh air at all)

Harrowing Tales From the Hot and Happening

Nice write up in the Ocelot – thanks a whole heap!
You needn’t ask whose van ended up in the carnival procession at Pewsey?
Check this out – my autograph is being auctioned on E-Bay!!
We’ve just received offers of some big gigs – can’t say too much at the present because of contractual difficulties, but it’ll be worth waiting for!
See you at the load in!

Strictly speaking, the tomato is not a vegetable, it is really a kind of dolphin

Although we haven’t done that many gigs recently, those we have played have been fabulous! Thanks for coming out in such large numbers, particularly at Poole, which was a real career highlight for me.
Currently working on some new ideas, stand by for a few shocks!
Anyway, they say no two snowflakes are the same, but who’s ever checked?
I’ll give you a prize if you find me a matching pair.

All Wind Is Made By Wind Farms

Thanks for coming to see us and lending us your goodwill in May and June; we’ll be recording very soon so there might well be a new record available this year!
Anyway ....

If you ring the number of a house where you used to live, you can talk to a past version of yourself. Never tell the past version who is calling. Anyone who rings you and says “Sorry, wrong number” is almost certainly you calling from the future.
Oh, and if you spin around really fast and then stop, your face will skid around to the back of your head.

HELLO! HELLO! I'M BACK AGAIN!

Many, many heartfelt thanks for all the fabulous messages of support and encouragement. I never could have imagined the wealth of good feeling that existed for one scruffy googly eyed guitar playing pimple.
By the time you read this, I'll be back on the road, albeit slowly at first, but the way things are building, before too long I'll be back annoying you on a regular basis. Got some new tunes for y'all and I've tried to keep some favourites too!

I'll tell you something about having time off shall I?
Each evening, at 9 o'clock, you feel the adrenalin begin to surge, You pace up and down, flexing your fingers. You have to fight back an almost uncontrollable urge to put your stage clothes on. You shout at your loved ones as though they were road crew.
Or so I've been told....

Out Of Traction, Back In Action

The more things change, the more they remain the same. We recently had to change drummers, which means that we’re even more Fabulous than previously! Lashings of Exciting items on the horizon, starting with...
February 22nd, we’re supporting Nine Below Zero at Mr Kyps in Poole (they’re a smashing Band and it’s a great place). I don’t know how much the box office are charging for tickets, but I want you to buy them from us because:

• It’ll be cheaper for you;
• It’s the only way we get paid;
• The Venue become impressed with the strength of your support and gives us more great Shows - something we can all enjoy!

You can contact us by Email or the usual Telephone number. By the way, we’ve got a Whole heap of good things coming up soon, I’ll tell you more nearer the time!
Thanks for sticking with us - I promise to repay your loyalty with bigger and better Thrills!

Life After Debt

Another gig list. Which means another lot of gigs.
New Years Eve sees us at the Pig Inn the City in Gloucester; I think it'll be ticket only and their telephone number is 01452 421960.
I'll tell you something - recently we've played at a number of new places and new towns; and you've been there to welcome us! Thanks for your support!
Let me make a cup of tea and I'll get started on the Bolan Album.

August 2007 - The Large Print Giveth And The Small Print Taketh Away

Howdy, members of the loving public.
We’re soon going to hold competitions at our events; something along the lines of most-friends-brought-to-a-gig or most-miles-travelled, or some such. I’ll try to ensure that the prizes are worth having, too. As I write this, large sections of the country are being devastated by storms and floods; inevitably, some of our gigs may have to be postponed. I want you to know this disappoints us at least as much as it does y’all.
I’m currently obliged to spend a lot of time at the dentist, so if, when you see me, I only grunt and flap my hands at you, its nothing personnel. Next months gig list should have some good jokes and puzzles, so see you then.

July 2007 - Girl Trapped In Refrigerator, Eats Own Foot

I’m told that everybody of a certain age remembers where they were when they heard President Kennedy had been shot. (I was eagerly awaiting the very first episode of Dr. Who) But what really happened on that fateful November day in 1963? Everybody knows that Lee Harvey Oswald shot the President from an open window as the motorcade drove past. But evidence collected through the years has thrown doubt over that judgment. Oswald, who was arrested a few hours after the killing, maintained his innocence throughout the last two days of his life. Within a few hours of being charged, Oswald was gunned down by nightclub owner Jack Ruby. Ruby himself was killed two weeks afterwards by an unemployed blacksmith called Jim Sweeney, who was in turn murdered the following day by a part-time female impressionist called Mary Kinnie. Three days later, Kinnie was killed by a drunk driver identified by the Police as Brutus O'Hooligan. O'Hooligan was released on bail, only to be crushed to death by a falling ostrich deliberately dropped from a 14th story window by a drunken construction worker named Joe Lawrence. Lawrence then tripped over a rope and fell to his death. He landed on the ostrich which still had a biscuit stuck in its throat from a previous meal. The biscuit shot out of the ostrich’s mouth and struck a passer-by in the heart, instantly killing him. The passer-by, a Mr. Cranston Mullarky, fell into the path of a luxury coach, operated by Simpson Tours, which ploughed into an orphanage, killing everybody on board. This series of deaths further convinced sceptics that some kind of cover-up was going on.

June 2007 - Bo Laid Low, Ergo No Show

It was night in the city, and in the concrete heart of the New York jungle it was pouring hard.
This was no time for Singing In The Rain, mused short stout Hiram J. Schickenheimer, and instinctively his eyes looked toward the pavement as, head down, he battered against the icy drizzle and aimed himself toward East Street And 43rd.
Suddenly, at the news stand tucked away by Rubies Burger Joint, a headline caught his eye. He moved forward and read...

May 2007 - Is This The End For Laughing Spam Fritter?

Earlier today, I woke up in my modest room, rubbed my eyes and suddenly the world was a better place. I heard the little birdies, natures winged messengers, twittering their joyous tidings in the trees, the merry little cries of the children on their way to school, the jolly calls of the tradesmen as they ply their wares along the streets and even the flowers waved and bent their heads towards me in silent greeting.
And then suddenly, Old Mr. Sun poked his merry round face above the chimney pots as if to say "Morning Jamie" and I was suddenly aware of enchanting golden beams dancing on my counterpane, when Patrick’s gentle voice whispered "how many lumps do you want in yer porridge?"
It was only then that I realized we’re playing at the Cheese and Grain on June 16th with Bo Diddly. Tickets available from Mr. P. D. Hugget, the thinking man's Harvey Goldsmith.

April 2007 - Ex-Beatle To Record With Dead Chimp?

Everybody has their favorite Rock+Roll casualty stories; when you’re as old as I am, even the really absurd ones have become cast in stone; the Rolls Royce in the swimming pool, the mud shark, Syd Barrett and the Mandrax etc. Tales worn smooth with use, seeping into our collective bones like so much rain. However, there is one truly great rock casualty who remains unmourned. Spare me your Johnny Ace stories! Bore me not with tales of Sid Vicious nor The Big Bopper! I refer, of course, to the astounding rise and equally spectacular fall of Bugsy the Chimp.
It Seems that John Lennon and Yoko Ono were booked to perform a session of "Free Jazz" on John Peel’s Top Gear Radio Show. Getting Free-Form music isn’t actually very easy; a Free-Style-Jazz pianist tends to develop his own method, and even if you just plonk up and down the keyboard yourself you’ve got some idea of the general sound and rhythms that will emerge. Eventually, Peel’s producer John Walters came up with the idea of hiring a Chimpanzee to play the Piano. According to experts, Chimpanzees are happier playing duets (I am not making this up), so subsequently Bugsy + Rosie were driven down from Coventry to the BBC’s London studios. I’m assured that when the tape rolled, they were real pro’s, sitting side by side and, well, playing. Unlike the Lennons who rushed off to the States and have yet to return. Bugsy + Rosie made off, escaping into a schoolyard where they were shot by Police.
Jimi, Janis, Bugsy….. in exorably the rock machine extracts its toll on those whom it blesses with a fleeting glimmer of fame.

March 2007 - Gloria Knew One Thing:

If Hubert never saw another day, he’d live to regret the way he’d behaved so appallingly at Tiffany’s last night. Didn’t he know the sheer soul-destroying horror of that moment when he’d turned to her - so smug, so patently without pity – and revealed that this was it?
The Dream was over.
From now on, he had said, he wasn’t taking her to see The Worried Men any more. "At least", thought Gloria, as she took pen to paper, "I will make him know the void this leaves in my heart".

February 2007 - Who Put The Bomp? What Are We Here For? Whose Round Is It?

It was a dark December night. The streets of Bath were white and deserted as I wandered back from the station after one of my frequent forays to the metropolis in search of excitement and salacious gossip from the wonderful world of show business.
Suddenly, a bony hand shot out from a shadowy doorway, seizing me by the left shoulder and dragging me into the murky recesses of the Rats Nostril, a local watering hole of ill repute. As I struggled to retain my balance and my liberty, I caught a brief glimpse of my assailant and a sickening feeling of horror accompanied the recognition of the deformed person of Johnny Winter.
Now, Johnny’s looking forward to seeing y’all at our gig in April, but he’s concerned that all the tickets are being snapped up by strangers. I told Johnny that I, too, would be upset if our people overlooked this opportunity and that seemed to placate him, until muttering darkly about Pink Fairies reunion gigs, he melted into the Dickensian haze in the manner of Marley’s ghost.

January 2007 - Advice From Uncle Handsome

Once again, the party season is upon us. Cats, the choice is yours: you can stand in line all day and plop down a weeks money to sit in the back row of a Hockey Rink, squinting down at a stage that looks no bigger than a postage stamp to see a bunch of wimps try to be prettier than the girls in their video, or stroll down to the local tavern, sit up front, wrap your paws around a frosty beezo and dig the heavy-duty hootnanny!

December 2006 - Did Duane Eddy Wear Rebel Trousers?

I was listening to the radio the other day when the newsreader related a story concerning a man who had inserted a rocket into his own rectum and lit it. You could hear the technical staff whooping with gales of incredulous but delighted glee. Even the newsreader eventually eschewed the remaining threads of dignity and succumbed to giggly hysterics. It quite distracted me from getting the Christmas decorations down from the loft. (I almost forgot to shout under the toilet door to see if Patrick was alright.)

- Now Dig This!

Next April we’re playing with living legend Johnny Winter. This promises to be one of those seminal gigs that only happen to other people, those whom you particularly dislike. Tickets are available from us, naturally: If this one doesn’t sell out, I’ll kiss Bryan Chapman’s arse in the market place and advertise a month in advance to raise a crowd. Please, please don’t miss out on your chance.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and God bless you all for your love and support: A big kiss to you all (except the males).