|Photo by Nigel from Eventpix UK Ltd
SON OF A GUN, WE'LL HAVE BIG FUN
Well, twelve or so months on, the record is very nearly finished. I listened to it this morning and I think you'll agree it's the best thing I've ever done. I'll speak more next month, when hopefully I'll have specific details and new t-shirt designs too.
2018 diary is steadily filling up, and we still have The Great British Rhythm & Blues Festival at Colne, Lancs, and Tenby Blues Festival later in the year to look forward to!
I'd better get ready for reviews and airplay, so I'll see you at the weekend, True Believer!
SOCK IT TO ME BABY!
Howdy, Faithful One! August is already starting to resemble an action packed carnival of treats!
Colne is looking very handy ... and at the time of writing, the garden of delights that are GLOUCSTER and UPTON blues festivals are imminent!
As it happens, I've just arrived back from the BARFLYS bike rally; GREAT to see and speak with so many of you, and I hope we see you all again real soon!
So far, this has been our most successful year; I know I say that most years, but every time it's true! The dates are coming in for 2018 even as we speak, and FINALLY the next stage looks as though it will spread its wings and soar from the drawing board. We've got some dedicated people on the firm these days, as the forthcoming records will demonstrate!
We're on the march once more Ö and we're taking you with us, True Believers!
P.S. Big shout out to DJ JAZZY JEFF for playing us on SURREY HILLS COMMUNITY
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING A MONKEY A GUN.
After two vans blowing up last month (don't ask, Faithful One), we're stumbling towards the oncoming light.
Some good gigs lie in wait; a headline date on July 6th at the THUNDERRBOLT in Bristol, to name one. I hope you'll join us for what promises to be a night of cavorting and carrying on generally!
Upton Festival has always proven to be a mind-snapper....let's see how much noise we can make together...and of course, the Gloucester Blues Festival!
Ah well, can't idle away a lovely day like this....back to the recording.
See you soon, True Believers!
P.S. Click http://www.bluesblastmagazine.com/jamie-thyer-postcards-from-bedlam-album-review/ for terrific review from BLUES BLAST magazine!
THE LEGEND LIVES ON ... AND ON ...
Yes, True Believers! It's time for more paeans and plaudits from the pulpit of pandemonium!
I'm sure you'll have realised that festival time is almost upon us; naturally, we'll be gracing the usual stages, so we'll look out for your bad selves!
Be sure to ankle up and say 'Howdy!'
STILL recording almost every day; this new record will sure be something, and most certainly worth the wait!
SO MANY great nights in April and May that it would be sinful to single any one out, but you were there and you know how it went!
See you at the load-in, Faithful One!
LIFE IN THE FAST FOOD LANE
Some really great receptions in Taunton, Arncott, Cwmbran! Great to see so many long standing True Believers! Incidentally, one of our first write ups was in 1995, and when we performed in Warminster the other week, the same
journalist popped up and wrote about us again! How about that?
Been recording non stop Ö working my face off to bring you a thrilling new album. It isn't quite ready for you just yet, but believe me, you're in for some surprises, and you'll agree it was worth the wait.
See you later, Faithful One!
I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
I'm sorry to swank like a banty rooster Faithful One, but so far this year it's been the most successful on record Ė and we stopped counting a while back when we passed 4,000 gigs.
Some mouth watering gigs lie in store for us in April Ė another clutch of new places and return visits to some old favourites!
We're in the process of organising new design t-shirts, but before we do please help us with your preferences? Would you like different colours? Vests? Hoodies?
Let us know so we can help you convert the benighted heathen hordes out there!
Next month, I'll really have some exciting news True Believers Ė meet back here in 30 odd days!
"Where my Studebaker takes me, that's where I'll make my stand"
...as Brian Fury said.
I, however, have the MIGHTY DAIMLER, with 301,000 miles on the clock awaiting her MOT. Fingers crossed, Faithful One!
Fantastic night at High Wycombe, in the company of many True Believers, including Bones, Mega and Mr Wheel! Excellent!
Had some more radio play...
.... so big shout out to Rory Auskerry of Route 66 Radio Show.
The Grateful Dead gig was a rare moment of delirium, and we should have some pictures somewhere about to illustrate... Dukie and Richie came over from Barry, good to see them, together with loads of the usual suspects.
January was filled with excitement, packed rooms and matey vibes.
We have a long way to go, but we're trying very hard!
Don't look down, True Believers!
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY, SO LET A WORRIED MAN COME IN AND DO THE FUNKY GIG LIST!
Happy New Year, Faithful One!
Got some extra surprises in store for you later in the year, but for now, let me remind you that we're at the Cheese and Grain with the Grateful Dead on January 27th. Want your tickets? Get in touch snip snap, as they're flying out the door!
The Christmas holiday gigs were a bit of a mind snapper; got to see lots of your shiny, excited faces, and we made some new friends into the bargain.
New t-shirts are being designed, and lots of new ideas are being bandied about so stay tuned True Believers! The best is still ahead!
Don't blame me for getting excited! It's just the pixie in me!
AGENTS OF CHAOS
Great comments about our performance at the Colne Great British R & B Festival in the current issue of Blues Matters magazine! Alright Sister Feelgood!Once again, I MUST thank you all for yet another thrilling year. Although it went a bit skew-whiff in places, we're on course for the most successful yet.
Which is humbling since so many decent people are suffering terrible deprivations, yet a balding guitar mangler staggers from strength to strength. Must be down to my dear old snowy haired mother praying for me.
Recently we played in Hereford and, by some bizarre coincidence, foundourselves literally opposite the mighty Blues Festival. Our own venue had elected not to display any posters announcing our presence, so when a great host of festival attendees wandered from their site and saw us setting up, they stayed with us, despite having paid fairly serious cash to attend the star studded event across the road. The upshot of this was that we had a bulging room, a marvy evening, and I thank all the Aber heads and Hereford True Believers for supporting us!
Sadly, on the 19 December, we were due to play the last ever Two Pigs gig. However, that's not happening now, so please come and see us at The Buttercross, Chippenham on the 15th instead.
I hope you get involved and come and see us over the holiday period...as always, Gingestock at Weston-Super-Mare and Twinfest and Doll's House are treats we have in store, and missing them would be like missing your birthday!
New Years Eve we find ourselves at the Saracens Head in Hereford...and it's free entry, so let's get together and feel alright!
We'd like to wish all True Believers, and their nearest and weirdest, a golden Christmas and a superfunk new year...and to our detractors, we wave our gentleman vegetables at their mothers!
DIALECTIC DOODLINGS DESIGNED TO DELIGHT!
Here's some breaking news; both the Les Paul Junior and the Flying V are just back from the tender ministrations of Denver and Steve at INTERSOUND GUITARS. http://www.intersoundguitars.co.uk/
An excellent gig to look forward to is JANUARY 27th at THE CHEESE & GRAIN, FROME. We're there with the GRATEFUL DEAD and, already, tickets are going surprisingly quickly. You can phone me, text or email me for your discounted advance tickets or just yell at me in the Post Office queue, but you won't want to miss this event, Faithful One!
Christmas, of course, means our traditional visit to SCALLYS, WESTON-SUPER- MARE on December 26th for GINGESTOCK ... we have the usual surprises planned, and of course come December 23rd, we're at THE DOLLS HOUSE, ABERTILLERY for the gathering of the usual suspects, all eager for more of Kelvin's crazy cat dancing. When that boy cuts a rug, it's poetry in motion.
Plenty other treats in store, just run your peepers down the gig list, and we'll see you there!
Rock on with your bad selves, True Believers!
HOT AS A DOCKER'S ARMPIT
You're reading this gig list for November, I'm writing it in October, so let's have a little natter about September!
Corks! Didn't we visit some outlandish places?! Sometimes it seemed as though your Handsome correspondent had thrown darts over his shoulder at a map!
But still, there you all were! Ah, yes! True Believers! Know 'em anywhere.
I suppose by the time this reaches you, you'll be wearing a crinkly mouth and yowling, "Where, oh where, can I get tickets to see JOHN OTWAY and THE WORRIED MEN at The THUNDERBOLT on NOVEMBER 24th?"
Easy now! No need to crack the coconut; permit me to unravel this conondrum. Just phone me, text me, email me or shout at me in the post office queue, and you shall truly know peace of mind, Faithful One!
(And now ... back to the studio ....)
WELL, IT'S EITHER THIS OR FONDUE PARTIES AND DEMIS ROUSSOS ALBUMS
Well....for those of you who haven't seen the Facebook page, Colne was the biggest hit for us yet....which is really saying something! What CAN be said about True Believer ROB WEBB (420 mile round trip to catch us on Sunday)? Then, there were Richard and Liz who joined us from HONITON! And, of course all the usual recidivists. I did an interview for Radio Lancashire, but it still didn't stop all the gigs being chock a block with thrill seeking Faithful Ones. As has become the norm, bass duties were despatched by Dave Hellhound, whose name is a byword for two-legged bass sorcery.
The recording thing is ploughing on, although it has become a leetle more serious...and at least two archive-oriented record companies are putting out some of my antediluvian recordings. Obviously, this has only served to galvanise me into more cheese paring of the forthcoming record. It'll be with you as soon as possible, Faithful One...but its worth doing properly!
We sold so many t-shirts that we ran out of certain sizes in the new design,....so a rush order was clearly called for and now you can sashay down life's boulevard in tiger shaving style!
Things are changing and getting more and more highly geared for your twangsome chums....but we're not stepping off the gas. No sirree!
THE MYSTERIOUS PIG IRON MAN
Once again....fantastic raving scenes and rooms full of love at Andover, Stroud and Downend!
Terrific debut at Market Lavington Music and Comedy Club and a wonderful welcome for our debut in Neath!
If you care to peruse our Facebook page, you'll see photos of our time at the Upton and Gloucester Blues Festivals. I urge you to do so, as a picture is more articulate than any of my clumsy prose to convey the fabby welcome we had at both events.
Also, there's a video of the Gloucester Blues Festival performance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXvQTxwsFv0&feature=share and a link to my (now legendary) appearance on BBC Radio Gloucestershire http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0413r1m (interview starts around 1:08:30)
Working very hard on new material and recording almost every day toward a new record...exciting news for you soon... and then there's COLNE!!!!
I CAN'T HELP IT IF I'M LUCKY....
I CAN'T HELP IT IF I'M LUCKY
You've probably read elsewhere that the current album "POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM" was nominated for International Blues Broadcasters Association pick of the month, so we thank those responsible; an upshot of this is even more radio play!
Back into the studio with alarming regularity, working on the successor.....but I must say the recent live shows have been really well supported...even by OUR standards!
Despite being the opening act at the Bristol Blues Rock Revue show, there you were, waiting to greet us ... Snowy Gang, Glyn et al! Same at Bath, same at Honiton ... makes me sound boastful, but you know it's true, Faithful Ones!
But I think, the record has to be Witney George Gang who performed a 240 mile round trip to see us at Abertillery. Mind you, it might be Kelvin's crazy cat dancing they came for. I'd travel to see that myself.
At Fareham they arrived by train from Woking!
It would be sinful to omit anyone, but you know who you are and I salute you, True Believers!
August means festival time ... Gloucester, Colne and suchlike ... we'll be zipping hither and yon like a heat crazed vole, but step up and say "HOWDY" won't you?
AND EVERY DAY I LIKE AN EGG AND SOME TEA, BUT MOST OF ALL I LIKE TO TALK ABOUT ME
Gratified to see how many of you like the new t-shirt design...they're going home with quite a few True Believers!
Thanks for the fab support at recent shows where we felt it was important to oppose resistance to rock and roll bands... the point has been well made and we shall all feel the benefit!
Just about every day I'm working on the new record...and not a moment too soon, either, as Faithful Ones keep ordering the older CDs! Must mean they have an itch that has to be scratched!
We're working on more foreign stuff and tracks for record label compilations too, but it takes time to do things properly. Patience for just a smidgeon longer. It'll be worth it, True Believers!
NEVER KNOWINGLY UNDERSTOOD
Okay, True Believers, buckle up and let's get with it!
I KNOW that I've mentioned this before, but its true that we've performed at so many new places this year ... generally by your recommendation ... and I simply can't express how great it is to roll up to a new venue (often in a
new TOWN), and there you are to greet us!
We have an exciting new t-shirt design and we're submitting tracks for record company compilations again.
Just about every day, I'm bashing away on new tunes for our own new record, too.
Stick with us, Faithful One; the best is still ahead!
THE RICH WOMAN'S PLAYTHING; ECONOMY WITH DIGNITY
Phew! Not long back from the Hereford gig with Rocky Road to Ruin, where I'm told we had one of the best crowds yet! Also, must mention the terrific show at Taunton, where for the third time, we were immortalized in a painting! If I can, I'll put in on the site so you can share it.
Played so many new places this year - and I simply can't tell you how gratifying it is to see friendly True Believers there! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!
Had a smart review in Canada; here's the link: http://dmme.net/jamie-thyer-postcards-from-bedlam/
Of course, what you really want to hear is that the mighty Daimler went through her MOT AGAIN Ö just nudging 300,000 miles! Most gigs people ask about her, and I think I'm right in saying she's been to the Moon and back several times!
Recording nearly every day, working toward the new album, which reminds me; should anyone want the Christmas tracks that hasn't got them, just send me an email.
See you at the weekend, Faithful One!
...AND SO, WE MUST REMAIN THE WILDHEARTED OUTSIDERS
Thanks for the ultra boss night at Swindon, Faithful Ones; if we'd wanted to cram many more of you in the Rolleston we'd have needed to coat you in grease. And I know some of you travelled a fair way to join us!
Can't leave out the Stroud and Glos posse: such a lot of love for a wizenedold guitar wrangler!
At the moment, most days are being spent on new recordings. I'm actually entertaining a radical approach to the process; should it come off, I'll tell you all about it.
As detailed elsewhere, the Flying V got badly damaged yet again, but she's been skilfully renovated by the clever studs at INTERSOUND GUITARS, and so far I must report she's as good as new!
While we were tidying up, I found a box of RIDE AGAIN cds. They've been out of print for a while now, and I know some True Believers were keen on acquiring copies. Email or text for yours before they're all gone!
And lastly, the new t-shirts will be with you very soon, Faithful Ones!
See you at the weekend!
HOT DOGS WITH EVERYTHING
Lots of new places to visit this month, Faithful Ones. It would be double great if we tested them out together! (I would smile at the prospect, only smiling makes my face ache).
The (ahem) Christmas single was pretty well received by you, and it even got radio play! (Speaking of which, the current album is still being regularly spun across the airwaves!).
The new places that we've been to so far this year have been tremendous fun, and here's a big shout out to all the new friends we've made in the Midlands.
We're working up some different tunes right now, so please let us know what you think, and the very first tentative steps have begun in the direction of the next album.
Must dash, but see you at the weekend for more chicken-bending rock and roll, True Believers!
P.S. A message from mission control: Store facility now available here by clicking on the 'Bargains' button to your left
BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE
Happy New Year, True Believers!
Thanks for your valued support over Christmas and the new year; already it looks like being a very busy 2016! Many people ask, so I'll let you in on the secret ... we get so many gigs because we smell nice.
If you take a gander at the Facebook page, you'll notice a link to the WORRIED MEN store, where you can order our fine items online and pay securely. Hopefully, this facility will appear on the main website too, if the staff at mission control can take the pencil out of her mouth and stop staring at the walls long enough. Also, we're working on a thrilling new t-shirt design!
Big shout out to Roger, in Hampshire, for exemplary bird dog activities... we really are lucky to have the grass roots feedback and it is appreciated!
Anyway, better get cracking, see you out in Be-Bop-A-Lula land, Faithful One!
'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JELLY
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the pad,
not a True Believer stirred,
I'm telling you, Dad.
The chimney was draped
in that stocking routine,
in hopes that the fat man would soon make the scene...
The True Believers were all cool in their beds,
while dreams of the Handsome One wailed through their heads.
Road Captain Chapman lay curled up on the floor,
just conked out cold for a forty wink snore.
When out of left field there came such a ribble,
I broke from my sack to see what was this dribble!
To the window I cut like a western B movie,
tuned in on the action, and boy, was it groovy!
With a hopped-up old driver on some frantic kick
I was hip in a flash that it wasn't St Nick!
As I yanked in my noggin I turned round real fast,
from the darkness there came this answering blast:
ďBut I got no sleigh with reindeer,
no sack upon my back;
you're going to see me coming
in a long black Cadillac".
It's no secret we've had our ups and downs, but thank you for another great year; I wish to extend to all True Believers and their families, a superfunk Christmas and a golden year.
God bless you all.
TRUE BELIEVERS! DECK THOSE HALLS! TRIM THOSE TREES!
We have our own Christmas traditions in our community, don't we, Faithful One? If you haven't joined us at GINGSTOCK or its Welsh equivalent KELVFEST you really are missing something special! And speaking of our tribe, I hear many stories of True Believers going to gigs and festivals noting other cats with WORRIED MEN t-shirts, and before you can say 'Kiss the blood off my washboard', there's a new friend!
The HEREFORD TIMES ran a smashing piece about us... Click here to read it or check out our Facebook page, as you wish.
Til next time... keep it clean True Believers and if you're going out on your bike... wear something white!
GREETINGS, NEAREST AND WEIRDEST!
A quick peek at the forthcoming dates will remind you that we're doing another date with living legends THE PRETTY THINGS at the Cheese and Grain in Frome. Judging by our recent gigs there, the tickets will fly out the
door, so don't get left out; ring us, text us, email us right now for yours!
We're already gearing up for bigger and brighter things in the new year, so stay tuned as we don't want to start without you, Faithful One!
It's also more than likely that ANOTHER t-shirt design will be with you for Christmas, as the 21st Anniversary prints have very nearly COMPLETELY sold out! These fine items make dandy Christmas presents for all right-thinking
musicnauts to proclaim their support for the longest running chimps tea party on record!
Ah well; get thee to bed, Faithful One; it'll be gig time before you know it!
P.S. Big thanks for the great reception in Bicester and thanks to Bicester FM for playing our tracks!
Also check out RED HOT BLUES radio station who are spinning the new album RIGHT NOW!
THE HARDER WE WORK, THE LUCKIER WE GET.
The gigs at Colne were packed with so many jumping, rocking True Believers that it's difficult to relate without sounding boastful. So I'll move swiftly on....
ITEM! We're nearly all out of the 21st anniversary t-shirts, so if you want one (indeed, how could you REFUSE?), better make it snappy!
ITEM! We're appearing on an album with international distribution. More details next month.
ITEM! We're appearing on the PRETTY THINGS 50th anniversary tour. We have your tickets NOW....so phone, text or email a.s.a.p. as these will disappear pronto.
Smell y'all next month, Faithful Ones!
BEAT GROUP DYNAMITE
Just pausing in my preparations for Colne R&B festival to keep you up to date, Faithful One. Pretty good press in Holland and the Ukraine, where they want us to perform. Here's a nice review from Croatia:
As has become the norm, Messrs Hardtail Marc and Road Captain Chapman steered us safely through the storm at the Calne Bike Meet.
The receptions at Upton, Gloucester and Abertillery festivals were staggering, and I must mention the marvy trip to the Isle of Wight and the fab hospitality we enjoyed. Let's give a big shout out to Trevor Howard of SevernFM who works hard playing our records and plugging our dates like a BOSSMAN!
I like playing these larger events; it gives me chance to catch up with you all.
Keep it between the ditches till we meet again, True Believers!
DIRECT ACTION GETS THE GOODS!
The gig with the Damned was a mind snapper; they were pretty gracious to us, and I hope you all enjoyed it. Then we did the Otway show, which was agreeably wild too!
Our chums at BRFM RADIO have given us plenty of airplay recently.
A record company in the Ukraine want to issue some of our work and are talking about us playing there, so that's something new!
I'm working on ANOTHER track for an international release later in the summer. You'll hear about that one nearer the time, but we have festivals and suchlike to wrestle with first!
All heady stuff for a clutch of gnarled old lags with faces like zoo exhibits!
We're getting a few photos of you in our t-shirts so keep them coming, True Believers!
I DIDNT GET WHERE I AM TODAY
I'm writing, having just got in from the gig with THE DAMNED, True Believer (where Hard Tail Marc, Mr Chainsaw and Road Captain Chapman performed the usual logistical miracle). Thanks for the fantastic support you gave us!
Later on this weekend, we're out with John Otway again, so it's all very giddy at the moment!
STILL getting terrific reviews for the record; you can read another one HERE
Later on in the year we've been asked onto the PRETTY THINGS 5Oth ANNIVERSARY TOUR, but I'll tell you about that nearer the time.
We haven't had any photos of Faithful Ones in our t-shirts for a little while....how about you email me some for the Hall of Fame?
Until next month, keep it clean, True Believers!
THE WHOLE POINT OF NO RETURN
True believers! A very short period back we introduced our twenty first anniversary t-shirts and the first batch have already very nearly gone. We'll get cracking with another shipment, but don't wait too long for yours, as we want to introduce even MORE thrilling designs soon!
Here's another item that's putting hot cakes to shame! As you know, on June 5th we're playing at Frome's Cheese and Grain with the Damned. We're on our second (at least) allotment of tickets....Contact us by phone, text or email to ensure you don't miss out!
As you may read elsewhere, an international record company of fine repute have invited us to contribute a track to a compilation album for release later in the year.
The new album is doing very well, too. See you at the next shakedown, Faithful One!
SO COOL YOU CAN SEE THE PENGUINS.
What a start to our twenty-first year, True Believer!
SevernFM playing the new album, Blues Hour Extra doing likewise and our good buddies in Spain and Italy also following suit!
Then we were made MOST welcome and encouraged by JEFFERSON STARSHIP (who graciously also sang our praises on their various Facebook and Twitter pages). Letting the action follow the word (posh prose go it Jamie) they summoned ME on stage with them. So for one song, I was fronting one of the most famous bands in history. Thatís the thing with rock and roll dreams, Faithful One, every now and then they come true.
P.S. Theyíre here! The TWENTY-FIRST anniversary t-shirts are ready for you NOW!
WEARY OF THE SCHMALTZ?
True believer, there should be at least ONE picture of your handsome correspondent engaging with a squad of firemen somewhere adjacent. No, it wasnít a support gig to the Village People oddly enough, we were doing a secret party for Tom when to my delight, the whole wretched circuit board caught fire. I donít mean half hearted SPARKS and damp FIREWORKS, I mean FLAMES, baby! I seriously thought it was dry ice to start with. Brilliant! Luckily nobody was hurt, but we all smelt of ashtrays for a while afterwards and a bag of baps went missing presumed eaten in the darkness.
Youíll almost certainly be aware of the great attendances at the gigs over the holidays: thanks for your continued support!
The advertising campaign for the new record is gaining traction...and Iím working on the video....more of which later. Plenty airplay, indeed BOB will be spinning more of the album on the BLUES SHOW on GTFM 12th January. The record itself is selling very well, besides being highly praised, so drop me a line for your copy soon.
Since I started to write this, Paul Stiles has been playing the tunes on UK Blues Today radio station, so a big shout out to him! And while Iím handing out big howdies, many sincere thanks for all the cards and messages over the holidays! I must admit that Iím always taken aback by the amount of love and goodwill that comes my way every birthday and Christmas!
Should you care to look around the site, there is a painting of me. You can view the original on the wall at the Prince of Wales, Ledbury. This is at least the second time Iíve shimmied into a gig only to be confronted by a likeness of myself. Itís an odd sensation I can tell you.
Probably the next time we speak, Iíll be announcing the TWENTY FIRST ANNIVERSARY T.SHIRTS! - double sided and obviously a limited run, so you wonít want to miss out Faithful One!
TALES OF DRUNKENESS AND CRUELTY, TRANSLATED FROM THE HEROES TONGUE
True Believer, first things first; the mighty DAIMLER has almost completed 300,000 miles, which Iím reliably informed is the equivalent of circling the globe 12 times!
I WOULD tell you about our first visit to the TENBY BLUES FESTIVAL, but frankly, it would be pointless. SO MANY PEOPLE came to see us that Iím sure you must have been among them. According to the festival site we were one of the firm favorites!
Reception of the new album has been extremely positive, and the various radio stations playing it have been generous enough to let me know their most favourable opinions, which is encouraging (in fact C…SAR at BIKER STREET RADIO is playing it right now!).
Next year marks our 21st anniversary, and the commemorative t-shirts are already on the way. We have some really new and unusual treats planned for you, so be ready, Faithful One!
LAND OF HOPE AND CROSBY
Faithful One, the time has come to talk of many things; firstly, thank you for all the cards and messages on my birthday! Also Hardtail Marc Turner has kindly pointed out that 100% BIKER magazine has called me 'ONE OF THE BEST LIVING AXEMEN THAT BRITAIN HAS TO OFFER'....well, I mean to say coo...aw...gosh.
DIG THIS! On Wednesday 26th November, weíre at the Cheese and Grain in Frome, supporting WALTER TROUT BAND. Weíve got cheap tickets for you, so contact us in the usual way. I donít want the money, but the people I owe it to need it really badly.
As ever, Boxing day means GINGSTOCK at Scallys, Weston-Super-Mare...and another mindsnapper will be had at the Dolls House in Abertillery, so donít miss that.
Finally, from all the workshy deadbeats here, a sincere thanks to all True Believers for giving us an even fabbier year than before and I wish to extend to all of you and your families a kicking Christmas and a boss 2015.
Right, off to play at Tenby Blues Festival (might see you there)!
GIGANTIC LANDCRABS IN EARTH TAKEOVER BID.
A whole plethora of activities to announce and explain this month, True Believers, so buckle up and Iíll get right to it! Weíre well and truly on the march again!
Firstly, for the umpteenth time in succession, I have to thank you all for the fabulous efforts y'all undertake just to share an evenings boogaloo with a shopworn antediluvian guitar wrangler! For instance, at Gloucester and repeatedly in Stroud; and remember recently that Iíd said our latest gigs in Wellington were the best to date? Well, we were there subsequently and it was EVEN MORE jumping. So big shout out to all the kickers and truckers that support us so faithfully.
Here are a couple of events that I know youíll want to mark on your calendars; the annual KELVSTOCK is at the DOLLS HOUSE in ABERTILLERY on the 28th December. Itís a given that all the Aber studs and gojus BOROUGHETTES will be in fine Yuletide cavorting mode, so if youíre a stranger to Kelvstock........well, donít be! Come and get involved!
Another thing youíll want to be a part of is NEW YEARS EVE. This year weíre at the PORTCULLIS in Fishponds in Bristol. Already Faithful Ones from out of the area are booking up, so donít leave it too late! PAUL is the man youíll want to contact and heís on 01179 659 222.
Weíre planning to put together a memorial show for the late Johnny Winter on 22nd December at the Two Pigs in Corsham. We did a few gigs with Johnny a while back and he was very kind to me personally and very complimentary about me to my erstwhile manager, so lets put together a decent tight evening to honour the great man. Iíll be telling you more about it very soon, so keep your eyes peeled.
If you want a signed copy of the new album POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM, let me know before they go on general sale.
Real music is out there and real people are making it. Weíre giving it our best shot!
Yours 'til the load out.
DAZZLING DATA AND DANGEROUS DECLARATIONS OF DUBIOUS DISTINCTION!
I think itís fair to say that the visit to Colne was the most successful ever; there should be photographs elsewhere on the site to illustrate the adventure. Certainly, a well known Blues Scribe was taken aside by one of the festival organisers and robustly quizzed about us If I understand it correctly; ALL THIS MONEY was being paid to ALL THESE BIG NAME BANDS and the main rooms were empty! And THESE CLOWNS were filling every room they could get their hands on! We damn near sold out of t-shirts too. We had Dave Hellhound on bass this trip. I believe you can see a picture of this handsome rascal on another page, but when it comes down to Northern Murder Bass, the man stands alone. There are special commemorative double sided t-shirts, at the printing stage, to mark our 21st anniversary...theyíll be with you very soon, True Believer!
Weíve also been very well served at other places; Two Pigs, Jerryís Blues Club... sounds boastful, but if you were there, youíll know it was TRUE. And special mentions to BONESíS gang at High Wycombe... always a highlight to see the Faithful Ones of High Standing there.
Right... canít idle away a lovely day like this... itís Adventure Time!
A GARGANTUAN GALLERY OF GARULOUS GOINGS ON GUARANTEED TO GARNER YOUR GOODWILL!
True Believer, as you read this, you may be aware of a disturbance in the force....hopefully weíve tarted up the creaky old website a smidge...and hopefully it tickles your toaster a tad! We were a last minute addition to the Upton festival but you can see for yourself from the picture elsewhere on the site how much of a hit we made. And at Gloucester Blues Festival the promoter told us we had the biggest crowd of the night. Probably due to the media coverage the FINNS gig was a smashing event...I could go on.... When people ask me how we manage to stay in business, I always say that itís down to the loyalty and support of the TRUE BELIEVERS....and GOODNESS KNOWS what lies in wait at COLNE!!
Although it took four (or five?) years, making the new album seems to have been the easy bit. All the pre promotion ...review copies ...radio promotion ...download sites ...and I'm trying to get a kind of clipshow to send to all of YOU... so you can have a taste... so you can tell me which tunes youíd like to hear LIVE.
It's great when you come up and say HEY at the gigs, Faithful One ...no backward participation in THIS mans town!
PASS THE JUG, COUSIN !
Iím kind of reluctant to trade on your loyalty TOO MUCH, True Believers, as the support for us at The Bear in Marlborough was more than anyone could have hoped for....but, well, here goes....
Saturday 19th weíre back at FINNS in Weymouth. I think the local press are going to do a piece on us, and Iím trying to get local radio involved too. I really want this to be a ripsnorting success ....so if youíre in the locality, please slide along and share the night with us. Itís going to be loud, fast and late...so, should you feel like cutting up rough and carrying on generally, this is the site for you!
More support to thank you for at HONITON and Bristolís GOLDEN LION......and before you know it, weíll be back at Colne, shimmying down with Les, Sizzle Sisters, Full Figure Julie and all the usual suspects!
By the time you read this, Iíll be mastering the new record....a new approach for me, but we did it with the SOFT GROUND album for the ANGEL AIR label, so it must be a smart move cats. Sleeve has been at the printers for over a year, so weíre ready to lay it on you....nearly!
Weíve also been invited to share some tracks with the BBC, so stardom can only be a matter of time now...
See you real soon, Faithful One!
WHAT DO WE WANT? TIME TRAVEL! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? ITíS IRRELEVANT!
True believers, Iíll confess this sounds unlikely, but itís true, and if you were there, youíll bear me witness. Quite a few times in June weíve turned up at places weíve never been before, only to find them FULL with people whoíve come to see us. Sometimes long standing supporters, sometimes novitiates whoíve heard about us from Faithful Ones spreading the word. Either way, itís quite some feeling, I can tell you. And, by the way, when I say full, I mean rammed. Crazy nights at Swansea, Sodbury, The Boat, The Bush....it would be sinful to omit anyone, but there are plenty to choose from!
Shortly, weíre at the Bear in Marlborough....first time with the new management. Itís a good room and it would be great if you joined us, just to show the new people that we mean BUSINESS.
Twelve months ago (as the horse flies), I dropped the CD sleeve off at the printers. Iíve just finally finished the record...FOUR YEARS after I started. So Iíve had to tweak the sleeve, to bring it into line with the revisions, but at long last, weíre ready to go.
Last item on the agenda....on the 13th July weíre at the Swan in Southampton. As far as anyone knows, this is the last time that theyíll be putting music on, and the landlady told me they wanted to go out on top, so come on down and letís rip it up together!
Festivals again...hope to see y'all there....come up and say HOWDY wont you?
Boogie onward, Faithful One!
EXALTED COMPANION OF WORRIED MEN NIGHTS
Greetings, True Believer! And listen and attend, as I thank you for the best night weíve ever had at Wellington. Also, sincere thanks for coming to initiate us into the Gladiator, where the hospitality was most welcome. We enjoyed the wild ride at Stroud and want you to know that weíre looking forward to our return!
Weíve played at Abertillery for a long time. The management of the venue where we performed were gratified (and I suspect amazed) by the strength and sheer volume of your brow beating heavy leather support. Weíre back there soon and Iím trying to hold this years annual KELVSTOCK there too at Christmas, so stay tuned.
Still more new tunes being shoehorned into the show and hopefully more and better things to share with you later in the year. But for now, try to keep it between the ditches and weíll smell you later, Faithful One!
PS: When we send out the email gig lists, sometimes we get the odd 'non-delivery' notice. So if you didnít receive your usual missive, or if youíd like to start getting the emails, please let us have your current email address. Have mercy on the Dynamic Management Team, Mellow Ones!
SURRENDER TO THE RHYTHM THAT'S CALLING YOU HOME
SQUALLY POCKER DUM, True Believers! As welcome and inevitable as the Demon King appearing from a trapdoor in a pantomime, it's your old Uncle Handsome rubbing his grubby mitts together to bring you yet more sniff snaff from Be-bop-a-lula Land!
Truckloads of people coming to see at present - travelling some distances too! (Hello BICESTER!). Good new places springing up as well; Redditch was far out, Andover was jumping and big HEY to those who tracked us down in Southampton!
Glad to hear that you're enjoying the new tunes - such a lot of them that it's hard to maintain a balance between incoming stuff and the existing hits!
Thanks for turning out in such numbers for our show with the PRETTY THINGS. DEL BROMHAM from STRAY got up and had a blow with us. He wrote to me afterwards, and I have to report that heís as generous as he is talented. Trust me Cats, that's a rare combination.
But thereís more and better on the runway for later in the year, my Droogies... as Al Jolson said YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!
(And as Walter the Wallaby said in BRAND NEW MONTY PYTHON BOK (sic)) POO BOOP A
DIPPLE TOOP, Faithful One!
KEYS THAT JINGLE IN YOUR POCKET, WORDS THAT JANGLE IN YOUR HEAD
True Believers, my heartfelt thanks for the terrific support at Jerryís Blues Club! And I donít believe that anyone could have had a bigger reception at the Rolleston....my word, werenít we made welcome at Stroud and our maiden voyage at Piddington was most enjoyable!
Now for the serious stuff:
Not everybody cares to have their identity bandied about in cyberspace, so suffice it to say that nobody-NOBODY-could have a better, more dedicated grass roots than ourselves. If youíre not finding gigs for us, youíre advising us of hiccups and negative developments, summoning the cats at the last minute and alerting us to traffic problems; I doff my cap in salute to the Faithful Ones of High Standing!
I know all right thinking True Believers will be joining us for our 15th March gig at the Cheese and Grain with the Pretty Things, but now I can confirm that Strayís DEL BROMHAM has been added to the bill. Iíve played with El Del many a time over the years and when his tail is up all you can do is stand back and give him plenty of room! I had to follow him at the Cambridge Rock Festival main stage last year, and it was not easy!
All this seems too hot to miss, níest pas, so if you need more tickets for your envious neighbours, text me, ring me or email me and Iíll get jumping!
Weíve something ultra special coming your way in November. Unfortunately, at the moment, itís also ultra secret, so I canít blab too much just yet, but I promise you that itís the biggest thing weíve yet done, and youíll deffo want a slice!
Iíll see you very soon, so scrub those fingernails, Yíall!
PS. For those of you that ask (and there are a few), she only needed a tyre and a bit of welding on the exhaust. That car gets more interest than I do...
YES SIR, I CAN BOOGIE.
Careful with that axe, True Believer!
Thanks for the great support at Swansea! And how about that CRAZEE night at the Brunswick, huh? Thanks also, for not forgetting us at Shipston - good to see so many long standing True Believers!
Now, I realise an awfully large number of you are already coming to see us at THE CHEESE AND GRAIN in FROME on MARCH 15th with the PRETTY THINGS, but we can still manage to squeeze a few more in if youíre snappy. So email, text or phone me and weíll get it done, snip snap!
Our European revels continue; Holland is on the menu again, Iíll let you know more when the Dynamic Management Team finish the hard sums with the currencies.
Everyone is very impressed with the guitar cases which the Hiscox people sent and with all the foreign travel later, theyíll certainly come in handy!
A new range of t-shirts is being printed, Faithful One, as the last lot sold out in the FASTEST TIME YET!
TOPLESS IN HYDE PARK!
True Believers, listen and attend!
On March 15th weíre at the CHEESE AND GRAIN, Frome,
with the celebrated PRETTY THINGS as you know.
Well, we were allocated a limited amount of discounted tickets and the
interest has been more than anticipated. I know that all right thinking
Faithful ones will want to grab a piece of the action! It promises to be a
tip top night and the more of us that are there, the more larks we can have!
You can ring or email me, and weíll get it sorted out snip snap, so be the
envy of your less fortunate neighbours and grab this opportunity with both mitts, Cats!
FLYING SAUCER TAKE ME AWAY, GIVE ME YOUR DAUGHTER
Iíll tell you something, and if you were there then youíll know it to be true, Faithful One, so many people in December took me aside and whispered "You know, this is the highlight of our Christmas", that after a while I started to feel like Bing Crosby!
All the recent attendances were fantastic. Andover, Two Pigs, Gingstock were more full than usual, but Kelvinís gig at Abertillery was a real mindsnapper. Dig this Ė the last night before people had to recommence work (a Sunday to boot), first time in a new place and still loaded to the rafters with thrill seeking rock Ďní roll starved True Believers!
You may be aware that on March 15th weíre at Fromeís Cheese & Grain with THE PRETTY THINGS. Unlike many similar bands the Pretties are still fronted by their founding members. When we played Colne R&B festival, they were also there, and I can say if they perform at Frome half as well as they did at Colne on that occasion, youíd be crazy to miss it. Obviously, we have discounted tickets so get in touch for yours at all speed!
On a personal note Cats, the Daimler is nearing 290,000 miles Ė MOT time soon so fingers crossed!
Sincere thanks for the Christmas and New Year messages. I do appreciate them all, True Believers!
A WOP BOP A LOO BOP A LOP BAM BOOM!
Longstanding True Believers will of course realise that this is the time of year in which I review the previous twelve months. Well, as Bob Marley would have it, GOOD FRIENDS WE HAVE AND GOOD FRIENDS WE'VE LOST ALONG THE WAY, or to paraphrase the Grateful Dead, WHAT A LONG, STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN!
But I wouldn't be writing anything at all without the unswerving loyalty and belief of my Esteemed Advisers, whose goading, enticements and great personal sacrifices have already earmarked me a backbreaking work schedule for 2014 - just when I was ready to board the return train to Palookaville! The boss studs at Hiscox are furnishing me with some guitar cases, and PK Music Exchange have laid a mixing desk on me, so we wish those gentleman a superfunk new year!
I'm currently trying to compose ideas for a possible video to accompany the imminent album 'POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM', looking at suggested film clips, etc. Also, these days it seems mandatory to couple a new record release with a launch event. Please let me have YOUR ideas for a good site or town to hold it.
There should be a few surprises at GINGSTOCK on Boxing night, and obviously two Andover gigs can only mean two different shows. Wouldn't want to disappoint the Mamba posse!
A few cats in the Gloucester and Stroud areas are busting their hump getting us gigs....there was a lot of love and support at the Blues Festival....and I thank them for it!
But, naturally, that YOUR contribution is the most valued, Faithful One...for like the gods of old, if you ceased to believe in us, we simply wouldn't exist.
I wish you all a golden Christmas, and a dirty great smacker!
I'VE CHANGED MY PLEA TO GUILTY
When the new album POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM is finally finished, the plan is to shoot a video to accompany its release......So we might well put the call out soon to invite all the Faithful to be in it! A lot of people have been working hard on my behalf recentlyÖ...not everybody is keen on having their name bandied about the interweb, but special thanks to Kelvin and, as per usual, Chris Mamba, without whom etc. When I was close to defeat, they raised me to my feet.
Do you remember I had a gibbon for Christmas? Well, we had a message from his keepers, and last week was Sam Siamangís first birthday.
Good to see so many of you at HOGGINí THE BRIDGE and thanks for turning out in such numbers at Bath and....well, everywhere, really!
There are a few funny things happening in November, but Iíll do my best to keep you up to date, True Believer!
ĎTil then, clean up the air and treat the animals fair, my droogies.
Itís like trying to tell a stranger about rock and roll
A very serious man jabbed a bony forefinger in my face yesterday and told me that not only do some people READ this, but actually LOOK FORWARD to it. So once again I bring you the Good Word....
I canít keep saying that Colne was fantastic; you really should come and see it for yourself. Not only were JS, Les, Full Figure Julie et al in attendance, but this year, we had a full compliment of Sizzle Sisters (last year we were one down, as Mother Sizzle was poorly. Thankfully she regained full health).
A lot of you ask about the mighty Daimler, 283,000 miles ....will she make it to 300,000? (The heir apparent waits in the wings, a bit like Rudolph just ITCHING to pull the sleigh). Some quite concerned True Believers wondering about the Handsome Oneís health too. Swaying a bit lately, but still bobbing and weaving, cats!
There should be a plethora of press and a cornucopia of radio play soon, Faithful One, but Iíll let you know all about that nearer the time. Youíre making me feel like a trenchcoated, fedora wearing hero, smuggling out messages to secret listeners, while the unsuspecting world snoozes on, unaware of the Important Work passing them by! So, with that, Iíll dissolve into the mists and be about my clandestine business......
PS. Thanks for all the birthday messages. The amount surprised me!
LET'S GET THE SIX OUT OF THE EGGCUP!
Just a brief natter this month, True Believer, as Iím putting myself about a bit at Colne. There were some great receptions and fab attendances in August, so thanks a heap.
An entirely different approach is planned soon and as soon as I get back, Iím on the promotional treadmill for the new album 'POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM', which I hope youíll enjoy.
Should have more to say next time, Faithful One, but ítil then, LETíS BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
YOUíVE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, ALEXIS
More than a few WEIRD SCENES INSIDE THE GOLDMINE of late! Reluctantly conceding to considerable pressure (not least from enthusiastic Pink Fairies managers) once again my cyber presence stalks the alpha waves.
Mind you, I havenít been lolling in a hammock throwing cans at the tv: Iíve finished the new record and the sleeve is at the printers, so itíll be with you sooner than you think! Original working titles included "BOO RADLEYS PORCH" and "I DONT THINK I CAN GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN", but eventually we decided that "POSTCARDS FROM BEDLAM" was the title which would soon be transforming my worm eaten reputation from sea to shining sea. Weíve always been lucky with press attention and radio coverage, Faithful One, but Iím bound to say when you hear THIS biscuit youíll all yell "DOGGONE IT! THE OLE POLECAT SURE MEANS BUSINESS THIS TIME!"
Weíll also have the means for you to buy it online soon too via a paypal option which will include t-shirts and whatever other toot we feel like peddling. I KNOW how fond you are of this creaky old website, but itís howling out to be tarted up, remade and remodelled.
THANKS, cats and kittens, for finding us at the recent UPTON and GLOUCESTER festivals and making our sessions there such rip snorting successes! I was particularly taken by the loyalty and encouragement at Gloucester...such a lot of good feeling swilling around for a grizzled old guitar mangler. The Rolleston gig was certainly a counterblast to the new austerity...a punch up the trousers courtesy of the Right Honourable Johnny Reb. Mounting the stage at the Calne Bike Meet was similar to how I imagine rounding the Horn on an old square rigger must have been, and we certainly couldnít have done it without Road Captain Chapman and Hardtail Marc Turner; Mr Chapman proving essential at Gloucester and Upton too! Weíre all roadrunners on the Highway of Consciousness, True Believer....dig you later!
PS. It looks as though the kind people at HISCOX CASES are going to let me have some of their fine products, so when youíre buying guitar cases next, tell Ďem UNCLE HANDSOME sent you!
TRAPPED IN A WORLD HE NEVER MADE
Some good times in March, werenít there? The Arts Centre was a lark, as was the BBC broadcast. I hope that by now there should be some new features and pics on the site, and there are plenty of treats in store for April, so donít touch that dial, True Believer!
CLAWED WITH MYSTERIES OF THE SPANISH MAIN
donít appreciate others doing this, Faithful Ones, but I WILL briefly mention that the album I recorded with MOTT THE HOOPLEís Verden Allen has received some fantastic reviews - with generous applause for your handsome chumís contributions, particularly abroad! All of which bodes well for MY record, cats, which will be with you before you know it.
Incidentally, thereís a small zoo near Bristol Airport. Should any of you visit, you may notice my name on the monkey area. Nope, I havenít been banged up, but one of my Christmas presents lives there, hence my name on his enclosure. So when you get a lot of noisy rubbish chattered at you and come home covered in gibbon dung, just see it as a greeting from me.
Some boss gigs so far this year; top receptions and I know some True Believers travel a long way. Iím going to continue to try very hard to ensure that you get the best value for your wonderful encouragement and support!
Smell you next month!
WHOíS PUTTING SPONGE IN THE BELLS I ONCE RUNG?
I canít convince myself that anyone could have received greater support or better crowds in December and January than we did. Had some mouth watering press too. Iíll try to put it on the site, along with some new photographs when I get a minute. I have never seen so many people at the Bear in Marlborough even when I played there with a Name Band! Flattering words about your handsome correspondent in this months ĎBack Street Heroesí. Chase away those winter blues by picking up on it.
As I write this, the country is in the grip of unrelenting snow drifts and blizzards, so I intend to use any downtime to concentrate on the foreign stuff for later in the year, positive news about our Irish visit and I can hear Germany calling, besides distribution and promotion for the forthcoming record.
And speaking of records, MOTT THE HOOPLEís VERDEN ALLEN has a new album out (you neednít ask whoís sprayed scalding guitar all over it). Youíre going to see rather a lot of us this year... festivals, bike shows and even arts centres!
Weíre back at the Queen Vic in Stroud too....and I know just who to thank for THAT.
Be seeing you, Faithful One!
Skeleton found unconscious on Skegness beach
ANOTHER great year! Looked decidedly wobblesome at times, but it turned out to be one of the most successful.......however you slice it! I know from listening to you that youíre really enjoying the live shows right now, which is good to hear, because so are we. Lots of new places, lots of new faces and a big old heap of faithful ones whoíve stuck with us! Out of sight!
A bit like buses really: in the new year thereíll be two albums with your handsome chum performing but I darenít say too much at the moment. I believe Iíve mentioned before that one problem with having your own studio is that you can keep redoing things. I think I make special music for special people, so Iím determined to do my very best - but Iíll have to draw a line soon or Iíll forget my own name.
A Christmas tradition is ďGingestockĒ at Scallys. Come on over and work off your turkey!
Next year weíre going abroad again and there might well be one or two special things to look forward to. Weíve got a long way to go, but weíre punching all the way True Believer!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE GLISTENING NIGHT, SOMETHING STIRS
Iím assured weíre entrenched in the maw of the worst recession the western world has ever seen. However, my diary for the next year is filling up nicely, largely down to your efforts (not least your tireless support) recommending us to new venues and reminding older places about us.
Some acquaintances of mine (it would be an exaggeration to say they were much more than friends of friends) are world famous musicians Ė people who have actually tampered with substantial chunks of history. They banded together, formed a fantastic group and released a stupendous album Ė certainly one of the most innovative and exciting Iíve heard since I was at school. Despite all of this, theyíve called it a day because they couldnít get any gigs. Itís people like you who prevent this happening to me and I thank you for it.
Speaking of next year, the mighty Daimler has passed 270,000 miles. Will she make it to 300,000?! (How many times around the world is that?)!
I DONT WANT ANY UNCLE JOHNS JUMPING BACK IN THE ALLEY TONIGHT.
I suppose itís the same with a boot full of alligator dung; you think youíve got to the end of it, but no....still more to go.
As you may have realised, not all of the problems have been successfully met...a combination of technical issues, health and (believe it or not) floods have prevented us from bumping into each other. Iím not going to tempt providence any more, but to those True Believers who are keeping the faith....thank you, I promise to repay your loyalty. To those of you who havenít....I hope your turkey bites you at Christmas!
It MIGHT be an idea....if you REALLY want to be up to date with gig news, recording stuff, etc....to let me have your email or snail mail address; that way I might be able to update you easier. Have a think anyway. (Itís what you learn after you know everything that helps the most!).
The recent beer festival was a gas. Thanks for waiting in the cold rain for us ...Southamptons gig was a pip and the Aberkenfig posse did us proud, as always.
Stick with it Faithful One, already next year is looking a sight more positive. Iím with you...youíre with me...we're going down in history!
I TRACED HER LITTLE FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW
August might well be represented by an image of an upside down wreck, the smoke clearing to reveal a solitary wheel spinning, slowly coming to rest while the horn emits an uninterrupted screech.
Many of you have sent me emails. Thanks, itís been appreciated!
HOWEVER....Colne was a gas (the organisers used the publicity phrase "hottest guitar of the weekend"....it tickled me!) and I simply canít tell you how well the Upton and Gloucester festivals went. The other gigs I managed to make were subject to full attendances and gleeful receptions...as you know!
Indeed, no less an authority than Sister Feelgood (you know, Blues Matters) reckoned the Upton show would go down in the annals. And she knows about these things.
Borough Blues Festival.....following some boss bands we still managed to be applauded till the very echo....thanks cats and kittens!
Despite all the trials and sorrows, I managed to bolt myself on to Mott the Hoopleís Verden Allen on the main stage at Cambridge Rock Festival. As you know "we" were booked as the headline act for the April edition. However, this time we were third on the bill.
As I looked to my side, I noticed the Mick Ralphs Band making encouraging and comradely gestures and I believe I saw Ian Hunterís daughter Tracey briefly execute a slinky frug.
Many other star rockanrollers enfolded me to their bosoms - all heady stuff for Betty Thyerís boy .
Next year will be VERY different...but right now I need Len Tuckeyís fried chicken (J'en ai marre, as Morrissey would say!).
Viddy THIS, my droogs; old school is never old hat.
Some fantastic receptions and wonderful receptions last month...Wow! The bike shows were a SCREAM, werenít they?!
Right now, Iím working on the press and radio stuff for the forthcoming record. I was in the studio this morning, listening to it....gee whiz, there are some surprises in store!
Blues festivals and bike shows seem to be the theme for this month....Come and say 'Howdy' wonít you?
Not only that, but weíre coming back to some areas we havenít visited in QUITE a while!
Who said "Rock and roll is dead and done; bring back Lonnie Donnegan"?!
SATURDAY NIGHT, IíM GOING TO SHOW YOU MY LEGS (or DEDICATED TO YOU, BUT YOU
WERENíT LISTENING )
Well, I didnít expect such large amounts of either people or applause in May. There IS a double dip recession on, after all! The Live Lounge gig was a gas, and weíre picking up some nice radio play, too...which is handy, with the new record ALMOST ready for you.
This month appears to have a few bike show gigs; if you feel like joining us, donít be backward in saying "Howdy". Itís always a pleasure to put faces to the names I write to.
Remember I said that this site is being rebuilt? I shall need some new photgraphs of you heathens, so donít be shocked if I stick a camera in your mush sometime soon, True Believer!
Anyway, Iím bashing away at the record sleeve this afternoon, so Iíd better get back to it, or the album will take EVEN longer.
See you at the weekend, Faithful One!
I LIKE MY BABYS PUDDING
Thanks to all of you who sent concerns about my health. Do you know there just MIGHT be a patch of blue sky up ahead.
Some of last months gigs were among the best attended and CERTAINLY the best received for a long long time. Iím wrapping up the long awaited album at the moment. The website is shortly being rebuilt, so youíll soon be able to obtain the record and our t-shirts (etc) via on-line mail order.
In the meantime, the gigs POUR in, and there are some good festival appearances and foreign adventures to look forward to. Maybe some more radio stuff too.
Speaking of radio stuff, thanks to the BBC for helping with my guitar at the riotous gig in Hereford and thanks to all those who came to see us at Southampton!
Some new places to check out this month....many of which came from YOU!
Keep the faith True Believer!
AWESOME ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR YOU TO CONJURE WITH, PONDER WITH......AND YAWN AT!!
So much going on at the moment. I hope youíll excuse my brief epistle this month True Believers! Firstly, as you can see, weíre playing with SAVOY BROWN; I wouldnít like to promise but I canít recall them playing in England since the 1970s, so you really didnít ought to miss this....Ring me for your discounted tickets!
Since the demise of the Pig in the City, Iíve been left without a gig in Gloucester. Now, Iím hoping that you want to see ME as much as I want to see YOU, so is there any chance yíall could give me some ideas where to play?
Apart from that, Iíll be playing some guest guitar with Juicy Lucy...Iíve done it before a few times, but Iíll definitely be doing it again. You can also follow my adventures with Mott the Hoopleís Verden Allen by checking out the ecstatic reviews from Uber Rock and in this months Record Collector magazine. Right...lets get this party started Faithful One.
CRYING WONT BRING YOU BACK
Well, that was February. Where do I start? The gigs with Verden Allen were a brief foretaste of Heaven (you can hear the BBC radio session from February 24th, by the way), and thatís the half of it. Plenty big time rock and rollers came to wish me luck and afterwards were generous enough to offer me a cheery Thumbs Aloft. However, the next day we were kicking it Worried style in Fishponds, which was down and dirty and I LIKE IT LIKE THAT BABY.
The visit to the New Inn in Witney was blissy, and we made a whole heap of new friends there....and caught up with some True Believers of long standing. I understand that thereís a nice Lemon rock review....which reminds me, some of the reviews for the Swanage Blues Festival were smashing; thank you everyone thatís taken the time to say such kind things!
Weíre doing a gig with SAVOY BROWN at the Cheese and Grain in Frome in April; trust me, you wonít want to miss that, Faithful One...ring me for your ticket.
Meantime....keep it between the ditches, brothers and sisters!
THE HANDSOME ONE: MAN OR MYTH?
Iíll bet you didnít see THIS coming, True Believers!
Obviously, you all know Verdan Allen; keyboard player, songwriter and sometimes vocalist with MOTT THE HOOPLE? Well, due to most unfortunate circumstances, his guitarist has been forced to devote his energies to events in his personal life. With a Bob Harris session, more BBC radio broadcasts and a big old London showcase imminent, it was urgent that someone whose talent was only rivalled by their good looks step into the breach. So, on February 11th at the Half Moon in Putney, Iím playing with SOFT GROUND; itís an all-star line up, as it happens (apart from me, Iím afraid), and some huge iconic legends are supposed to be dropping in too. Itís shaping up to be the most fun London gig for me since I played the Pink Fairies Marquee back when the world was young.
With a becoming generosity, my guys have given me dispensation to perform this Important work....but if I turn up on Sunday at the Golden Lion with a starlet on each arm, just act natural, Faithful One!
DAVID HASSELHOFF STOLE MY BAND
Well thatís not STRICTLY true, but various Worried alumni ARE backing him at the Bristol Hippodrome...
As the year staggers to a close, Iím able to review 2011 with a satisfied grin on the handsome mug. Iíve done, or begun to do, almost everything I set out to accomplish at the start of the year. January seems a long time ago now: itís very easy to sneer at our slight achievements, but we will grow...and a new catalogue of possibilities is available. For instance, weíve contributed a track in aid of the British Heart Foundation, which has won an award, the foreign stuff is bearing some valuable fruit and the recent gigs were very well attended and received...good that weíve not been forgotten in places where we havenít been able to visit for a while.
Weíve got a long way to go, but weíre trying very hard Faithful One; Happy New Year and donít be a stranger!
THE DEVIL IN FISHNET STOCKINGS
Itís possible, Faithful One, that after such a rambunctious month as November, most men would just as agreeably rest on their laurels.
Magnificent gigs at Cherington and Scallys.
Jaw dropping receptions in Somerset.
Clasped to the collective bosom in Wales as per usual.
Whether the local publicity (including a fine colour piece in the Cotswold Journal) had much influence, Iíll reserve judgement, but we all enjoyed the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Yes sirree!
All in all, this has been a truly marvy year for us; probably more adventures than at any other time since we started....and next year bodes even more exciting prospects. Iím taking it for granted that youíll be there with us....so till next time...Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.
Sincere THANKS to all of you who keep the faith....and HAVE MERCY, BABY.
HAVE THAT ONE WASHED AND BROUGHT TO MY TENT
THANK YOU for making the Swanage Blues Festival the ripsnorting humdinger that it was. Iíll just BET that some footage turns up on Youtube. The Moonrakers Rally was out of sight, as was the HOGGING THE BRIDGE gig. The new places last month gave us a big welcome too....
I know itís a sore point, but the new record IS getting finished... itíll be worth the wait, faithful one.
Among the treats which lie in wait for you is the gig at the CHEESE AND GRAIN with NINE BELOW ZERO on DECEMBER 10th. Ring me for your tickets....donít miss this one playmates! Besides toiling away on the new record, a few other changes are under way...Europe is calling, as is...well, wait and see. Letís just say that you wonít find me sunk in hoggish slumber, True believers!
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO WAIT IN THE CAR
I know I know. Every year about this time I tell you how incredibly well we were received at Colne, how many people came to see us, etc. Well it was worse this year. The advance publicity claimed that we were the 'TALK OF THE FRINGE', besides other accolades which modesty precludes my repeating here. The upshot of all this was even more people and an even higher quotient of good feeling; take a bow, Les, Boat Julie, Full Figure Julie and the Sizzle Sisters.
But even the spangled magnificence of Colne was dwarfed by the Irish adventure. In a way, it's almost pointless me relating the fabulous welcome and reception meeted out to us, where we were granted the widest scope for self expression. Whatever I say, I'm going to look like a boasting swaggart, so I'll content myself with the memory of sailing through the aftermath of the recent hurricane. Some ships were cancelled, but our skipper was made of harder sinews and although the voyage resembled a bucking bronco with hiccups, your handsome matelot was discharged ashore, bloodied but unbowed....having been awakened by a ghost (possibly), chased out of my hotel wearing a small dog (definitely) and played a lovely gold topped Les Paul (thank you Graham Pilgrim).
THE HANDSOME ONE LOOKS TO THE WEST AND DIGS IT.
Some mind snapping gigs last month True Believers. NO TIME to let you know about our slot at the famous PONTARDAWE FESTIVAL but we still managed to mount an assault on decorum with those of you that could make the scene.
Scallys was a boss night too, one of the best for a long time!
As I write this, weíre getting ready for the Colne trip...with the Irish soiree looming ever closer.
A very switched on lady has offered to do some serious publicity for me, so if things go as planned, your handsome correspondent will shortly be UBIQUITOUS ("a reputation bigger than gasoline"). Also, all the foreign offers HAVE to mean a different way of conducting things. Itíll probably take a little while to strike the correct balance, but who knows?
I might be able to buy some more guitars.
Yours 'till the load out, Faithful One!
THE SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE BARING OF TEETH
Some of the recent gigs we've done have been amongst the most jumping and fabby EVER. The Upton and Borough festivals immediately come to mind. Unfortunately, others .....well.....I do honestly feel that I owe some True Believers an apology. Let me explain.
Obviously, I'm not going to be stupid enough to name names and declaim the wicked SPECIFICALLY, but I'm told that occasionally the staff in certain places are rude to the small but appreciative and increasingly irritated crowd that has come to hear us play.
Let me know whenever this occurs, and I won't go back there. It really is that simple.
If you're generous enough to allow me to support my (admittedly threadbare) lifestyle in a reasonably agreeable way, then I think you deserve a modicum of courtesy. Let me know when it happens....I don't want anyone ruining your evening except me.
Let's not end on a sour note; more foreign interest this week, Faithful Ones; they want me in Spain now.
THE EXILE OF THE HANDSOME ONE: IN WHICH OUR VAGABOND HERO ROAMS THE WORLD, FLEEING FROM THE MEMORY OF THE TERRIBLE THINGS HE'S DONE...
So many people came out to see us in June that I find it difficult to believe there's a recession. In Taunton, they even camped overnight!
The Isle of Wight adventure was wonderful; should the Irish spree turn out to be half as enjoyable I shan't complain. Finns keeps getting better and better and the Borough Blues Festival was a dream.
I didn't have time to tell you about the gig at H.M.S. Sultan but Her Brittannic Majestys Senior Service made us MOST welcome, and the show ran with the sort of precision that made the landlubbing Handsome One gape in admiration!
I'm still fixing up the Dutch dates in between working on the new record; both items are choice cuts guaranteed to gladden the hearts of True Believers everywhere!
Donít be a timid curtain peeper Faithful One; get involved!
A NEW CAREER IN A NEW TOWN
Modesty precludes reporting all the accolades with which we were showered in May (sometimes in the MOST unlikely settings), but it was marvy to see so many of you in Bridgwater and at Finns...the welcome was staggering after all this while!
I didnít have the time to tell you all about the gig at the Tawe Delta Blues Club, but some of you winkled us out just the same and partied on down.
As you can see, more new places, more bike shows and blues festivals this month and the new record is shaping up to be quite something.
You may well be sharing some surprises with us soon...perhaps necessitating a whole new way of going about things.
What a handsome pragmatist I am True Believers!
YOU CANíT PUT YOUR ARM AROUND A MEMORY
Lots and lots to spill this month true believers, so pardon me if it seems more fragmented than somewhat. Iím pressing on with the foreign dates. Ireland and the Isle of Wight are buttoned down and Holland is being sorted out even as we speak. Iíll tell you what though, the logistics of moving three poltroons and a van load of hardware across the rolling Maine is more involved than Iíd imagined. Goodness knows how circuses move elephants around. Good job I have the assistance of JOHAN the salt stained peg-legged sea rover to deal with the Netherlands.
Back at good old FINNS in Weymouth this month...come and make the scene with us, itís BOUND to be a righteous evening. Speaking of which, donít forget your tickets for the Cheese and Grain date with Nine Below Zero! Give me a call on the usual number...itís later than you think Faithful One!
A LOAD of you turned out to greet us in April and Iím being welcomed back into places where thought Iíd been overlooked. So thank you, y'all!
Anyway, Iím waiting until I think that everybody who wants a copy of the Christmas recordings has asked, then Iíll do one big old mail out.
Hands up who remembers Doughnut from the Double Deckers!
Till later keep watching the skies!
FORD TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI
If you came to see us in February, you may not have realised it, but we were using GREEN DAYS drums. No, I havenít been at the Fruit Punch, itís true.
Unfortunately, there was no time to tell you about the gig with WISHBONE ASH, but I CAN let you know that weíre playing with our good buddies NINE BELOW ZERO at the Cheese and Grain on May 28th. As always, ring me for your tickets; cheaper for you, better for me, true believers!
Probably because we donít share other bands regrettable lack of respect for young womanhood and disgraceful table manners weíve been booked to play in Ireland and the Isle of Wight. Iím still confirming the rest of the world, mellow ones. I did have a most interesting meeting with a gentleman from Holland the other night...AGAIN!
Smashing prose and an engaging pic of your handsome pal in the Ocelot - a magazine you should support.
Donít forget to let me know if you want a copy of the solo tracks I recorded over the Christmas period....still MORE new places to visit this month; fancy it, Faithful One?
Well, well, well! Just had a BOSS night at the Greyhound in Swindon; as so often, this worthy guzzle shop springs to my aid in times of need...and thanks to so many of you for coming to see us!
Some of my earlier recordings are available from I-Tunes; if I make another record (stop sniggering at the back!), Iíll have to ensure to enlist that medium. Unless Iím carted off by an alien queen to assist her in repopulating her planet (nice work if you can get it). Iíll see you soon, True believers!
SET THE CONTROLS FOR THE HEART OF THE SUN
Just been reading a piece in Q magazine about Mick Kirton doing a drum solo with his arm in a sling. A band Iíd played with (oh SO many years ago) have tentatively reformed and I was invited to be a part of it ... dates were mooted and venues booked....but these things end for a reason and itís probably best to remember the larks weíd enjoyed back when the world was young and we were golden with promise.
My amplifier and speaker cabinet were obtained for me in 1988. Iíve used them with a punishing schedule which makes B.B.King seem workshy...around 200 gigs per year. Iím starting to think that they must be the most CONSISTENTLY USED bits of hardware in England. I think Iíll get in touch with the Guinness book of records to find out if I qualify for a listing.
When we played in Tredegar recently, Ray Phillips from Budgie came to see us. After a leisurely few hours engaged in badinage with Ancient Road Warrior Kirton, he got up to drum with us. If the planets align correctly weíll be playing together some more. You never know!
Quite a few of you have been generous enough to enquire about my health of late. Went to hospital last week for painful TESTS...electric shock type things. Ow.
Got some new places to play besides dates on the Isle of Wight (later) and Europe (much later).
And if all THAT wasnít enough, I recorded three tracks over the Christmas period. As before, your handsome chum is playing everything...Iím not going to issue it commercially, but if any True Believers want a copy, let me know!
Itís later than you think, Faithful One!
A FOOLS LAMENT IS THE WISE MANS MILKSHAKE....
Thereís a website, I think itís based in America, called THE LOUIE REPORT, dedicated to all things connected with the popular beat tune "LOUIE LOUIE". Well, our rendition has won us the fiercely contested accolade of "LOUIE OF THE WEEK"!
Thanks a whole big bunch, Louie watchers!
Itís happened before but once again an autographed picture of The Handsome One is being sold on E-Bay.
Dovetail Strings have generously made some plectra for me; Iím sure this fine product will improve the crude yet exciting style which has propelled me to fame with such dizzying velocity.
Come and see us soon and let me know, Faithful One!
PLUS CA CHANGE, PLUS C'EST LA MEME
Sorry for the apparent whimsicality regarding webstuff, computers and even the phone recently. All of that stuff is provided by the same people and the service hasnít been ideal. Some other people have told me that THEIR regular cyber duties have been touch and go too, so its not just OUR little luddite scene thatís suffered. Various theories rest the blame on the weather, the season of goodwill and even the amount of web traffic generated by the Coronation Street storyline. Beats me. All I know is weíre back!
I had a really big old-dude -type health scare recently. The kind which can cause a reevaluation of ones life. Just as I was weighing up the options, an odd series of events came into play and fate took an interest in your handsome chum. A very well connected player from my past popped up out of the blue and, with no prompting from me, made me an offer I couldnít refuse. With the old-dude-type health concern still on my mind I decided to go for it. The upshot of this is some new faces on the scene...but ones whose pedigrees youíll instantly recognise and applaud. On a prosaic level, doors are opening for me even more readily than previously and as a result of the medical attention I received, Iím actually playing the guitar better than I have for a few years. I hope youíll agree that Iím not a boastful man but trial gallops indicate that this latest edition is quite something. Cats, believe me, when serendipity knocks you have to answer! Once again, I find myself adorning the front cover of the SCRUMPY AND WESTERN magazine. Itís not a photo that Iíve ever seen before....hooray for Scrumpy Ken!
A really-truly record company have gotten hold of some recordings which I did in the mid-80s and released them. Itís quite different to what Iím doing these days, but Iím glad that the tracks have finally found a wider audience.
I notice that weíre back in Gloucester soon. Last time we played there, as I was putting the guitar in the car, I noticed a witch waving a crossbow being spun around and around in a shopping trolley. Now thatís not something you see every day is it?
Happy New Year Faithful One!
THE APE WHO SPEAKS
Many, many marvellous things are happening for us at the moment True Believers; so much so that Iím in danger of missing out on real gilt-edged opportunities as I stand and gape like a want-wit.
Tremendous scenes of felicitous merrymaking and deep joy in Bradford-on-Avon, Fareham and the Red Hot Club and should you like to see what youíve missed - why, simply dial up MORTIFROGS CHANNEL on your computer and youíll be rewarded with more Youtube Handsome cavortings than you can shake a stick at!
Iíll see you in my dreams Faithful One....ah, what fools these mortals be!
AND I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT HER AND SURVIVE
(Just the briefest of scribbles this month true believer - half of what I say is meaningless but I say it just to reach you...)
A while back someone told me that a man could consider himself fortunate to have 5 real friends. Well, I must be lucky indeed, as it felt as though I had a whole room full helping me celebrate my birthday at the Two Pigs! If you were there then youíll know that the faithful travelled from Gloucestershire, London, Dorset, Hampshire and other places to join me. Yet again, boss words and snappy pics in the Ocelot, Live Wire magazines and the trusty old Swindon Advertiser. Viva the Fourth Estate!
Hope you enjoyed the gig with the truly marvy Juicy Lucy; Dan Benson has put some clips on Youtube should you fancy reliving the thrills!
Can you believe that the Reverend Spadge Dooley has released a record entitled "Please stop stamping on my head"? Sounds too good to miss!
Certain streets have certain corners. Sooner or later Iíll turn yours.
THE BOY WHO LEFT HOME TO FIND FEAR
Such a lot to spout this month Faithful One!
Let me start by saying that Iím not sure if Iíll actually make it back from this years Colne experience; Last weekend we did a gig in Tredegar which cost us two motor cars, besides the van becoming poorly. It was only the mighty Bicycle Repair Man, emerging from the glistening night, who saved the day! Also, since we last spoke, the Flying V has gone to America AGAIN and another amplifier has gone up in smoke. So for all I know my place could be taken by a pigs head on a stick.
Before I forget I owe apologies to two persons: for all I know they may not care to have their names bandied about the interweb, so suffice it to say that I promised a gentleman in Bristol that Iíd play "Back in the Night" for him and I didnít. This was because I forgot. Secondly, a longstanding True Believer was very kind to me in Liddington and I didnít take the chance to thank him properly, merely mouthing a series of platitudes. Iím glad I have the chance to redress things here.
The big news is on September 13th weíre recording a live album at the Two Pigs in Corsham, so come on over to my place and party hearty!
Also, on September 16th, weíre at Riffs Bar in Swindon with blues-rock legends JUICY LUCY, who youíll remember from their huge hit "Who do you Love?"! Tickets are only £5, so ring me on 0779 2073086 to get yours mellow one!
SIX EYES, ONE VISION
Okay, true believers - short and snappy this month!
Thanks for making such a big fuss of me at Upton Blues Festival!
In a couple of weeks, weíre off to the Great British R & B Festival in Colne for our traditional appearances; might see you there? Letís see how much trouble we can get in.
If you click on the "Reviews" page of the website you can sneak a peek at an account of our Huntingdon Hall gig as seen by BLUES IN BRITAIN magazine.
Planning to record a live album at the Two Pigs in Corsham on September 13th ...which is also my birthday! Come along and get your voice on the record and your name on the sleeve!
Besides all THIS, Iím zipping over to Germany to sort out some European dates.
Right...see you at the weekend, Faithful One!
SI TU DOIS PARTIR
Remember last month Johnny Kinkade was repairing the broken headstock on my Les Paul Jr? No sooner had it returned from his tender ministrations when I broke my Flying V and in the middle of a live podcast too! Honestly, if my guitars could speak Iíd be on the Jeremy Kyle show for abuse.
More and more people are coming to see us these days...thanks for all your continued support true believers!
Big shout out to CESAR whoís playing us on his radio show; tune into www.radiocoteaux.com and www.radiovassiviere.com to get hip to his trip!
More festivals and bike shows this month and then it'll be.....COLNE!
See you in a couple of days, Faithful One!
THE WEEK LOOKED GOOD ON PAPER
Doubtless youíve heard of the marvy run of gigs recently, particularly at
Tredegar and Corsham? Thanks playmates for the appreciation!
Started work on the next album, to be called "THE NEW TESTAMENT". Iím intending for most of it to be live, but there are a few unique personal tunes which you must hear as well. Iíve always boasted that I make special music for special people, and I intend to keep my word this time too. Did you enjoy the Wilko Johnson and Juicy Lucy gigs?
More to follow later in the year, faithful one!
Hey! If sartorial correctness is your bag, our new vests and double-sided t-shirts should tickle your toaster-donít feel left out this summer...promote your chest with a Worried Men vest!
See you at the Cheese and Grain with Peter Green on Sunday true believer!
IíVE NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKEN WINGS
Quick update faithful ones;
Thereís a lot happening in May and you know how you get if you miss out!
On May 6th weíre playing in Bristol with JUICY LUCY. Should be a magnificent evening of blues rock and guitar histrionics!
May 13th sees us at Huntingdon Hall in Worcester with WILKO JOHNSON.
May 30th weíre at the Cheese and Grain, Frome with Fleetwood Mac twilight mysterioso
When you decide which shows engage your fancy (indeed, how could you resist?),
please give me a ring on 0779 207 3086. Itís cheaper for you and better for me if we do the ticket thing between ourselves.
Before I forget, thank you for coming to see us with DUMPYS RUSTY NUTS and WISHBONE ASH recently.
You did us proud, true believers!
NO-ONE BUT YOU AND I, SAY THE BELLS OF PRINCE FAR-I
Iím so glad I didnít go to an American University; they all seem to be chock-full of vampires. But anyway, you cheeky young cubs; as all too often happens, more last minute gigs popped up which we had no time to tell you about. Weíre working hard to improve the information service, but for now, apologies if you missed us. All this weekend, Sunshine FM. has been playing our records; Iím a housewives favourite, faithful ones!
The Live Wire magazine said some good things about me, but Iíll tell you this anyway...theyíre really dedicated to live music and deserve your support, cats. A welcome change from the usual squirming bag of appetites!
Thanks for the welcome at Ringwood; we had a really boss time!
And speaking of boss times...the recent Portcullis gig was a lovely surprise. I donít play in Bristol much so this was a rare old treat (sincere thanks to the people who asked about my health).
Weíre playing UPSTAIRS at the Portcullis with JUICY LUCY on May 6th.
Call me on 0779 207 3086 for your tickets, pals.
Did you enjoy the Johnny Winter show? I was invited onto the White Tornados bus and he said some very complementary things about my playing. As an upshot of the evenings success, weíre back at the Cheese and Grain in May with Peter Green.
If I were prey to mortal passions, Iíd be stoking up for a modest blush, True believers!
IT TOOK FIFTEEN YEARS BEFORE SOMEONE POINTED OUT I HAD NO GUITAR PLAYING TALENT,
BUT I COULDNíT STOP BECAUSE BY THEN I WAS TOO WELL KNOWN
Well, howdy true believers!
Had an unexpected telephone call the other night. As you know, weíre getting a fair bit of radio play at the moment, both here and abroad. But I wasnít prepared for a DJ from Radio Caroline to call me, raving about the record theyíd been playing. I was assured that they were enjoying it to the extent that after the show, they took the platter home to play in the car! As a stripling, I listened diligently to Radio Caroline, I dug it the most, cats. Can you imagine the thrill I got? If I ever make another record it might make album of the week!
More nice gigs on the horizon, this time with blues-rock legends JUICY LUCY. As you know, weíve played together before, and itís usually a gas. Iíll give you more details as the dates get closer.
Please donít forget your tickets for the JOHNNY WINTER gig at the Cheese and Grain.
Give me a call on 07792 073 086 and Iíll sort it out.
Once again, great words and a snappy pic of The Handsome One in the Ocelot.
THIS JUST IN: on May 9th Iím doing an interview and an hour-long session on tv. Again, more details nearer the time.
Arenít I the very devil of a fellow faithful ones?
IF I ONLY HAD ONE LEG IíD BE STAGGERING
Hot dog! Loads to tell you, true believer! Weíre getting SO MUCH European airplay - and you should see the responses that were getting from the listeners! Honestly, itís a mind snapper, dad!
The erstwhile faint rumblings of foreign gigs are slowly becoming more and more definite, encouraging me to discard my shabby cloak of uncertainty and lethargy and don my shining rainment of optimism. Iíve even taxed the mighty DAIMLER for twelve months, instead of the traditional six!
As a result of the interest abroad, domestic radio stations and magazines have been yowling for records. In fact, recently I arrived at a new venue to find two or three writers (I forget) keenly waiting for the Handsome One. When I bade them approach the presence, they turned the colour of dog sick, such was their awe.
Please donít forget all the tickets for the bigger shows!
Check out Kevinís site www.myspace.com/jamiethyer39sworriedmen for all the relevant
sniff-snaff. Actually, Kevinís rather cross with me at the moment. Last week he kept loudly demanding another ice cream, and when I demurred, he started kicking the seat of the child in front.
Stay tuned for more big-headed swanking, faithful one!
THESE SHOES CAN PICK WINKLES AT 100 PACES
Well, hereís a novelty. March 25th sees us at the Vic in Swindon with Nordic
guitar hero KRISSY MATTHEWS who is currently building a name in Europe as
one of the brightest new blues rock players.
Y'all know the drill by now; call me on 0779 207 3086 for your ticket, true
believer, or as Mott the Hoople would say, "Are you going to be there? I got
LIFT UP YOUR SKIRT AND FLY!
True believers! On April 25th weíre playing at Mr Kyps with WISHBONE ASH!
Weíve played with them before and I can tell you that the elegance of
the Ash guitars is only rivalled by their generosity as people.
I can honestly say that missing this event would be like missing your
You can get your discounted tickets from me; call me on 0779 207 3086 faithful one!
AINT THIS WHAT LIVING IS ALL ABOUT?
Weíre doing a series of dates with DUMPYS RUSTY NUTS, metal icons and
The biker boogie king takes on the rich womanís plaything with no holds
Its going to be a real knock-down bare knuckle slice of prime
boogaloo, tiny ones!
The first confirmed date is APRIL 22nd at RIFFS BAR, Greatfield, Swindon
Tickets are only £6 in advance and £8 on the door.
Ring me on 07792 073086 to stake your claim to some real rock action thrills
It is with profound and sincere sympathy that I have to report the passing of PIRATES guitar colossus MICK GREEN.
As you know we were booked to play with him, but his incipient illness precluded it.
Others elsewhere are making more profound statements, but I will say THIS, and I want you to bear me witness:
He was one of only two people I have ever asked for an autograph;
He was among the very few who genuinely added something to the guitars vocabulary.
Now, if youíll excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye.
ITíS CLOBBERIN' TIME!
Hey! Thanks for all the Christmas greetings! Iím told weíre doing the support on the next Johnny Winter tour. Put it this way, weíve got tickets for you, so if you want to see us perform with the white tornado, give me a ring. Another artiste with whom weíve been booked to appear is Wilko Johnson, but thatís not for a while yet.
Gingstock was a riot, as was the Shipston gig. Thanks for coming to see us; especially those of you that travelled.
There are at least two international acts wanting to perform in this country with us in 2010.Too early yet to be confident of it happening, but Iíll tell you more as soon as I can.
Following the success of our Tyla Gang ticket sales, weíve been offered carte blanche with regard to supports at Mr Kyps. Have a Ďshuftií and let me know who youíd like to see us with.
Amongst the many presents which I received this year (ever seen "Citizen Kane"?) was a Top Gear STRETCHY STIG. In the box was a formal warning advising me that if the Stretchy Stig was wrapped around someoneís neck it could cause strangulation!!!!
Now y'all know me; an eccentric guy who learned to do a couple of cool things - but this year Iím really going to try and make something of myself. Follow up a few opportunities. Fancy tagging along?
No lights on the Christmas tree mother....theyíre burning Big Louie tonight
Januarys Wunderbar gig represents our 2500th performance...as far as I can calculate anyway. Iíd be there if I were you; itís usually a scintillating ding-dong where one is knee-deep in Midsomer Nortons smart set.
Damn you, papparazzo! Get back behind that velvet rope!
Kevinís built some websites honoring my achievements. Thereís a fansite on Facebook and if you look on Myspace under Jamie Thyer39s Worried Men, there I am as well. Unfortunately, Iím too old and infirm to conduct these myself, so if you need to speak with me, either e-mail me at Jamie@theworriedmen.com or use the telephonic communication apparatus.
Iím busting a gut to ensure that you get your free cds this side of Christmas; the response was overwhelming. Shaking the tree boss!
Ooooh - Iíve had a request from a French radio station to broadcast my records; this could be the start of my long-awaited international career! If loving me is wrong, they donít want to be right, those poor Jamie-starved Europeans.
I know that for some of you itís been a rotten year, so thanks for sticking with me. Iíve always boasted that I make special music for special people and I get letters, emails and texts all the time to confirm it. I want you to know that Iím proud of you. If the indications are correct, 2010 will be marvy faithful ones; and as one Christmas turkey said to the other Christmas turkey: "At least Iím not Tiger Woods".
Donít know if youíve been following my adventures in the media these past few weeks, but so far Iíve been in the Bath Chronicle, Western Daily Press, the Times (I think) and today I should be in the Sun.
Iíve done a live radio interview for BBC radio Wiltshire and practically got my own column in the Swindon Advertiser.
All this to try to help keep live music going at pub level.
Anyway, besides all this braggadocio, I want you to know that New Years Eve sees me at the Sun in Liddington. Weíre going to have a real bohemian love-in, Iím going to get some guests from other bands to get up and do their party pieces and itís bound to be sizzling.
I reckon itíll be ticket only; best ring me for details-make it sharpish though because these babies will be HOT!
OK! Back to the record.
A Christmas Camel (or Darwin was wrong Ė He meant survival of the fattest)
Well true believers, youíll never believe this!
Iíve just got home from a gig in Chepstow. Behind the bar was a watercolour picture of yours truly. Given that Iíve never ever been there before, I think youíll agree that itís a tad curious!
I hope you join us for Gingstock on boxing night! Itís usually a snappy counterblast to the post Christmas comedown.
Big shout out to all of you who came to see us in the New Forest. Sorry about the rogue cows!
Iíve got your tickets for the gig with the Tyla Gang at Mr Kyps. You can call me on 07792 073086 to sort it out Ė only £6 from me which Iím assured is a snip!
Besides the gigs mentioned above you may very well notice me playing with some Distinguishing Artistes Ė boyhood heroes no less. Keep watching the skies faithful ones!
I hope you have a superfunk Christmas and a Golden New Year!
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORMS
Remember when we played those boss gigs at MR KYPS in Poole with WILKO JOHNSON and NINE BELOW ZERO? Well, weíre appearing there again on DECEMBER 10th, but this time with the TYLA GANG.
Yíall remember Sean Tyla from DUCKS DELUXE? Well, heís back and heís kicking it Old School. I havenít seen this new incarnation but if the ďGodfather of boogieĒ can whip it out like in the days of yore, then it should be hot enough to fry your boots!
As always you can email me or ring me on 0779 207 3086 for your tickets: in fact Iíd rather you did because itís the only way I get paid and itís cheaper for you (also Mr Kyps gets impressed by the level of your support which leads to more gigs for me and more larfs for you)!
I hope you have an unusual day!
Smell you later true believer!
We had some more short notice gigs last month. Sorry, but there was no time to tell some of you about various dates at the Two Pigs, not to mention a whole weekend at Riders Harley-Davidson dealership.
Faithful ones with perceptive optics may have noticed some new (and frankly some old) faces in the ranks of late. Once again the Worried Men are on the march towards the sun dappled uplands of success! More news as it happens!
A glowing review in ďBlues in BritainĒ! Ding Dong!
Weíve got some new t-shirts and vests Ė Iíll update the website soon, but Iím not perfectly happy with the photos just yet.
The free CD of new tracks is underway, intended to gladden the heart of every true believer on the mailing list!
For the first time in something like ten years weíre playing at the Royal Oak, Cromhall. Iíd really like to make a good impression, any support you can lend us will be more than appreciated!
Iím seriously thinking of going to Brighton to get a job working with whales. By now Iím well used to being around blubbery mammals near to extinction.
Keep it between the hedges cats and kittens!
And when they met it was moider!
Made it back from Colne. What a weekend!
Thanks to CD and T-shirt sales, got to stay in an elegant hotel and came home with gold in both my fists shouting ďYippee YippeeĒ. So big shout out to full figure Julie, Les, the Sizzle Sisters and all the usual true believers. See yíall next year!
Having once again stepped into the breach, Ben resumes his regular life of highly rewarding tours, theatres, tv and radio, together with the odd chart bound sound. Iíve shared some of my greatest adventures of the past thirty odd years with Ben, but this recent month I think weíve laughed more than we usually do.
Front and centre for Kevin Rowe. After fourteen years in the wilderness, the only bass playing Jack Russell in the world returns. Old timers will remember Kevin from the ďWŁnderbarĒ album and it seems that heís also been laying waste to Amy Winehouse and Joss Stoneís bands. He thinks heís jumped on the gravy train: the poor deluded mite doesnít realise itís actually the caravan of forgotten dreams. I proffer not argument nor resistance.
As a gesture of genuine thanks, all faithful ones whose names adorn the mailing list will receive a free CD of new material Ė not available anywhere else!
Now see if you can guess the time without looking at your watch!
So itís come to this
By the time you read this, Iíll have returned from Colne, which is usually a most lively source of material. Look forward to thrilling accounts of this most agreeable and glamorous pursuit (insofar as it be within my poor ability) next month, when Iím not subject to cranial firestorms or shattered like a glass goblin.
True believers, thanks for travelling to see us at Weymouth and Honiton recently! According to the promoter, heís had lots of positive comments about our set with Dr. Feelgood too!
Next week (or last week when you receive this) weíre with Maggie Bell and Kenney Jones (of Who and Small Faces fame) at Gosport, so bring me my Ferrari of burning gold!
Also ... due to genuinely unforeseen developments (well, unforeseen by me, but I donít see Christmas coming) I might just have another record out before the end of the year!
I know civilisation wonít have advanced an inch but I might be able to put some petrol in the car.
Now, reshake this cocktail and donít drown the gin!
P.S. Have you seen me on the front cover of SCRUMPY AND WESTERN? I make a fair poster child for such an ugly wretch, donít I?
P.P.S. Good to see so many faithful ones at Bridgewater and Taunton. Letís not leave it so long again!
Grow your hair long, baby, canít go wrong
Well, hello there, true believer! Iíve been very busy since we last spoke; hope you enjoy the additions to the website? Besides writing frightening verse to a buck toothed girl in Luxembourg, Iíve been doing a fair bit of recording, some of which ended up sounding like other people, but Iíve tried to pass it off as pastiche (you know, pastiche, what Sean Connery eats in Cornwall).
Again, boss words in the Ocelot magazine, so big hurray to Agony Boy!
The website photo of the Andover gig doesnít begin to convey the story of the riotous cavorting that ensued, but it does go some way to share the flavour of the event.
On my recent hot air balloon ride, the basket got dragged along the ground quite fiercely (Bang ďowĒ Bang ďowĒ) so if Iím more vacant than usual when next we meet, that might be why!
As you can see weíre going back to the Colne Blues Festival, where the local maidens are fair of tale and comely of form (although despite boasting countenances of rare charm they do tend to utter wolfish cries after a stiff tot). As promised weíll be running our regular competition ďName Julieís buttocks and win a ponyĒ again.
Right, back to my hog snoring. See you later faithful one!
P.S. Do you realise my car has done the equivalent mileage of traversing the globe seven times?
Weíre not bad people, weíre not dirty, weíre not mean. We love everybody but we do as we please
May was certainly another trend setting pinnacle for these slime encrusted road warriors!
First of all, thanks to Fran for alerting me when my waistcoat caught alight in Newton Abbott.
Also, big shout out to Abe and all the true believers who travelled to see us at Upton.
How do I describe the Wilko Johnson gig at Mr Kyps without sounding like Iím swanking? Loads of you there, a knockout reception . . . . .Probably the first time Iíve ever been cheered for drinking a cup of tea! (I did drink it really classy though)!
Reality is so unspeakably sordid, it makes me shudder. However, weíre doing a few festivals and suchlike in July Ė Why donít you clock out of the old yawn factory and meet us there, faithful one?
Tíil then, keep sexing those toads, yíhear?
Fabulous facts and frivolous fables for frantic fans faithful friends and fiendish foes
Hereís how well things are going. As soon as we publish the gig list, more dates come in!
For instance now I find out on June 14th weíre at The Duke of Edinburgh, Brixton. No staring into space sucking pencils around HERE, true believer! By the way, hereís how you get your tickets for the Mr Kyps gig, May 30th. When you pull up, ring me on the mobile 07792 073086 and Iíll come out and give you your tickets!
ďThe only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved ... The ones who never yawn or say a common place thingĒ
What did you think of my happening at the Two Pigs? Eloquent? Provocative? Toe-curling? (Hmmmm....)
Put me in mind of the old sketch ďHistory TodayĒ where the two elderly professors start to discuss lofty themes only to quickly descend into infantile antics.
Weíve got some gigs later in the year with Kenney Jones of The Who and Maggie Bell from Stone the Crows. Give us a ring if you fancy making the scene 01291 629888.
Thank you very much indeed for the marvy reception when we played with Wishbone Ash. Iíve just read a couple of really nice reviews of us on the Wishbone Ash website! Thanks cats!
More new places this month; dig you later!
P.S. Although weíve been playing at the Old Ale House in Salisbury for over ten years, nothing prepared me for the amount of people that came to see us or the great reception!
No matter how the caliphs may cut about the bread weíll give you better music because we care about your head
Howdy, members of the Loving Public!
Once again due to your diligence and generosity, another gig has sprouted up for the worldís longest lasting chimpís tea-party.
On May 17th weíre off to the Riverside Club, 66 High Street, Tewkesbury.
Itís an 8.45pm start so get thee to bed true believer!
Itíll be May 17th before you know it!
The Rock Island Line is a Mighty Good Road ....
Must be due for another thrill packed ramble with the worldís oldest toddler group. As time elapses the similarity between The Worried Men and Top Gear becomes ever more striking. Both feature a trio of middle aged fashion criminals attempting impossible challenges which only end in fire or drowning.
Most sincere thanks to all of you who have been recommending us to promoters, publicans, etc. As you can see weíre visiting heaps of new places we wouldnít even know of without your help.
If thereís somewhere youíd like to see us play either let us know or tell the grown up in charge of the venue.
Itís fabby when we get to a gig and see you and itís particularly nice when you come up and speak with us.
Oooh Ė just remembered! Weíre doing a gig with Dr Feelgood soon and another radio broadcast. Tell you more about it later ...
Just another day in paradise
Just got back from a smashing gig at the Windsor Hotel in Barry, where, during a frank discussion about quality bands it was pointed out that weíre playing at Faginís in Taffs Well on April 30th (good job someone knows whatís going on).
Just before that, on 28th April Something Else is happening.
I donít know quite how to describe the event, but Dickie Doyle, mine host of The Two Pigs at Corsham, has engaged me to give a demonstration on how I play the guitar without effects. (Iíll give it all of two minutes before I start showing off and acting stupid). Anyway, youíre all invited to come and gawp at The Star, who may or may not be dressed like the guest of honour at a chimpsí tea party. Should make for an excellent night!
All Hide! Here comes the dog-like groove!
First, the jolly stuff! Weíve still got a few tickets left for the gig weíre doing at the Cheese & Grain with Wishbone Ash. You can get yours by ringing 01291 629888. Secondly, after this month, thereís a prize for the first person to correctly guess the source of the Hello! headline. Could be a record title, a quote from a book, anything, but Iíll try not to make them too obscure, unlike the one above which is from a Nick Lowe album sleeve Ė originally in Japanese!
Now, a serious question: How does Uri Geller get into his house? Surely all his door keys must bend in his hand?
Sorry if you were frightened by my amplifier catching fire at the Cat and Wheel. Sorry also if you came to see us the following night and it DIDNíT catch fire. As I write this Iíve just had to decline supporting Johnny Winter as weíre supporting Wilko Johnson the same night. Couldnít make it up could you?
Thanks for continuing to support The Worried Men Ė beware of worthless and fraudulent imitations!
How to run a Bently on ten bob a day
Hokee Ė Dokee. Iím with you. Youíve heard all about our gig on April 25th at The Cheese & Grain with Wishbone Ash and youíre worried you wonít be able to get tickets. Fret no more, faithful one! Just ring 01291 629888 and you shall once more know contentment.
Also, the tickets for our gig at Mr Kyps in Poole with Wilko Johnson are ready for you.
As always, itís cheaper for you and better for us if yíall get the tickets directly from ourselves: itís the only way that we get paid and with your help we get to impress the venues with the strength of your support, hence more gigs!
Címon Ė get involved! This is something we can all enjoy! (Unlike that big pile of Van Morrison souvenir cycling shorts still collecting dust in the corner)!
Once More Into The Nova Heat Zone
First of all, prayers are invited for Mick Green, iconic guitarist with The Pirates, whose serious ill health has caused our gig with them to be rescheduled.
Weíre doing quite a few festivals Ė ironically with some of our other personal heroes Ė later this year. Some of these are still subject to contractual confirmation, so in order to avoid egg-on-face occurrence, Iíll blab the details nearer the time.
In between toiling away in a (very) glamorous studio working on a new album, Iíve constantly been attempting to upgrade the website Ė Letís have those photos you heathen dogs!
Yours Ďtil the load out ...
P.S. The programme for the Worcester festival describes me as ďthe most famous blues-rock guitarist in the country, whose band The Worried Men is famous throughout Europe for hard-bitten R&BĒ. That should put a few noses out of joint!
Now dig this! Now dig this!
Wahoo true believers!
On March 14th weíre appearing with the Pirates at the Thunderbolt in Bristol.
On May 30th Wilko Johnson has us on his bill at Mr Kyps in Poole and if that wasnít enough your favourite nuclear beat combo are supporting Wishbone Ash at the Cheese & Grain in Frome.
There are more and bigger booked for later in the year but for now call 01291 629888 and get your mitts on some tickets!
Even Bryan Chapmanís leaving his cave for these treats!
Boom Shak-A-Lak Rude Boy!
Due to the short notice we couldnít tell you about the recent gig at Riffs Ė one of the best receptions weíve had there!
Likewise the wild raving scenes at The Pig Inn at Gloucester; thanks a whole big bunch!
February is a bit quiet as weíre putting together a new show and Iím doing a few interviews and promotional things for the higher profile gigs later in the year. While Iím at it I intend to revamp the website, so please let me have your photos for inclusion.
Hereís a bedtime story from venerable Yoda:
"The tooth fairy once went to get one of Draculaís fangs but the castle was really dark and she cut herself on the fang by mistake and ever since then sheís been a blood-sucking vampire tooth fairy. Anyway, Goodnight"
Dancing Space Potatoes? You bet!
Fancy calling it dyslexia, a word nobody can spell.
I mean, if you were a dyslexic pervert, you might go into S&M and buy a nice cardigan! Or if you were a dyslexic pimp, open your own warehouse! Or a dyslexic rock star you might choke on your own vimto!
On Your Knees, Earthlings!
Picking up isnít it? From January onwards we should be back to normal Ö.. gig wise anyway. In fact, weíre doing so well that my grocer sells me rotten spuds. He thinks I can afford it!
Weíre doing a lot of gigs in Wales at the moment, thanks to the Welsh Mafia; they made me an offer I couldnít understand. Mind you, at least they donít point at aeroplanes like some places we play.
(If it wasnít for Emmerdale I wouldnít get any fresh air at all)
Harrowing Tales From the Hot and Happening
Nice write up in the Ocelot Ė thanks a whole heap!
You neednít ask whose van ended up in the carnival procession at Pewsey?
Check this out Ė my autograph is being auctioned on E-Bay!!
Weíve just received offers of some big gigs Ė canít say too much at the present because of contractual difficulties, but itíll be worth waiting for!
See you at the load in!
Strictly speaking, the tomato is not a vegetable, it is really a kind of dolphin
Although we havenít done that many gigs recently, those we have played have been fabulous! Thanks for coming out in such large numbers, particularly at Poole, which was a real career highlight for me.
Currently working on some new ideas, stand by for a few shocks!
Anyway, they say no two snowflakes are the same, but whoís ever checked?
Iíll give you a prize if you find me a matching pair.
All Wind Is Made By Wind Farms
Thanks for coming to see us and lending us your goodwill in May and June; weíll be recording very soon so there might well be a new record available this year!
If you ring the number of a house where you used to live, you can talk to a past version of yourself. Never tell the past version who is calling. Anyone who rings you and says ďSorry, wrong numberĒ is almost certainly you calling from the future.
Oh, and if you spin around really fast and then stop, your face will skid around to the back of your head.
HELLO! HELLO! I'M BACK AGAIN!
Many, many heartfelt thanks for all the fabulous messages of support and encouragement. I never could have imagined the wealth of good feeling that existed for one scruffy googly eyed guitar playing pimple.
By the time you read this, I'll be back on the road, albeit slowly at first, but the way things are building, before too long I'll be back annoying you on a regular basis. Got some new tunes for y'all and I've tried to keep some favourites too!
I'll tell you something about having time off shall I?
Each evening, at 9 o'clock, you feel the adrenalin begin to surge, You pace up and down, flexing your fingers. You have to fight back an almost uncontrollable urge to put your stage clothes on. You shout at your loved ones as though they were road crew.
Or so I've been told....
Out Of Traction, Back In Action
The more things change, the more they remain the same. We recently had to change drummers, which means that weíre even more Fabulous than previously! Lashings of Exciting items on the horizon, starting with...
February 22nd, weíre supporting Nine Below Zero at Mr Kyps in Poole (theyíre a smashing Band and itís a great place). I donít know how much the box office are charging for tickets, but I want you to buy them from us because:
- Itíll be cheaper for you;
- Itís the only way we get paid;
- The Venue become impressed with the strength of your support and gives us more great Shows - something we can all enjoy!
You can contact us by Email or the usual Telephone number. By the way, weíve got a Whole heap of good things coming up soon, Iíll tell you more nearer the time!
Thanks for sticking with us - I promise to repay your loyalty with bigger and better Thrills!
Life After Debt
Another gig list. Which means another lot of gigs.
New Years Eve sees us at the Pig Inn the City in Gloucester; I think it'll be ticket only and their telephone number is 01452 421960.
I'll tell you something - recently we've played at a number of new places and new towns; and you've been there to welcome us! Thanks for your support!
Let me make a cup of tea and I'll get started on the Bolan Album.
August 2007 - The Large Print Giveth And The Small Print Taketh Away
Howdy, members of the loving public.
Weíre soon going to hold competitions at our events; something along the lines of most-friends-brought-to-a-gig or most-miles-travelled, or some such. Iíll try to ensure that the prizes are worth having, too. As I write this, large sections of the country are being devastated by storms and floods; inevitably, some of our gigs may have to be postponed. I want you to know this disappoints us at least as much as it does yíall.
Iím currently obliged to spend a lot of time at the dentist, so if, when you see me, I only grunt and flap my hands at you, its nothing personnel. Next months gig list should have some good jokes and puzzles, so see you then.
July 2007 - Girl Trapped In Refrigerator, Eats Own Foot
Iím told that everybody of a certain age remembers where they were when they heard President Kennedy had been shot. (I was eagerly awaiting the very first episode of Dr. Who) But what really happened on that fateful November day in 1963? Everybody knows that Lee Harvey Oswald shot the President from an open window as the motorcade drove past. But evidence collected through the years has thrown doubt over that judgment. Oswald, who was arrested a few hours after the killing, maintained his innocence throughout the last two days of his life. Within a few hours of being charged, Oswald was gunned down by nightclub owner Jack Ruby. Ruby himself was killed two weeks afterwards by an unemployed blacksmith called Jim Sweeney, who was in turn murdered the following day by a part-time female impressionist called Mary Kinnie. Three days later, Kinnie was killed by a drunk driver identified by the Police as Brutus O'Hooligan. O'Hooligan was released on bail, only to be crushed to death by a falling ostrich deliberately dropped from a 14th story window by a drunken construction worker named Joe Lawrence. Lawrence then tripped over a rope and fell to his death. He landed on the ostrich which still had a biscuit stuck in its throat from a previous meal. The biscuit shot out of the ostrichís mouth and struck a passer-by in the heart, instantly killing him. The passer-by, a Mr. Cranston Mullarky, fell into the path of a luxury coach, operated by Simpson Tours, which ploughed into an orphanage, killing everybody on board. This series of deaths further convinced sceptics that some kind of cover-up was going on.
June 2007 - Bo Laid Low, Ergo No Show
It was night in the city, and in the concrete heart of the New York jungle it was pouring hard."Rock+Roll pioneer Bo Diddley has suffered a debilitating stroke, rendering him unable to honour his Cheese+Grain gig with The Worried Men".
This was no time for Singing In The Rain, mused short stout Hiram J. Schickenheimer, and instinctively his eyes looked toward the pavement as, head down, he battered against the icy drizzle and aimed himself toward East Street And 43rd.
Suddenly, at the news stand tucked away by Rubies Burger Joint, a headline caught his eye. He moved forward and read...
With one bound he... (contí. page 94)
May 2007 - Is This The End For Laughing Spam Fritter?
Earlier today, I woke up in my modest room, rubbed my eyes and suddenly the world was a better place. I heard the little birdies, natures winged messengers, twittering their joyous tidings in the trees, the merry little cries of the children on their way to school, the jolly calls of the tradesmen as they ply their wares along the streets and even the flowers waved and bent their heads towards me in silent greeting.
And then suddenly, Old Mr. Sun poked his merry round face above the chimney pots as if to say "Morning Jamie" and I was suddenly aware of enchanting golden beams dancing on my counterpane, when Patrickís gentle voice whispered "how many lumps do you want in yer porridge?"
It was only then that I realized weíre playing at the Cheese and Grain on June 16th with Bo Diddly. Tickets available from Mr. P. D. Hugget, the thinking man's Harvey Goldsmith.
April 2007 - Ex-Beatle To Record With Dead Chimp?
Everybody has their favorite Rock+Roll casualty stories; when youíre as old as I am, even the really absurd ones have become cast in stone; the Rolls Royce in the swimming pool, the mud shark, Syd Barrett and the Mandrax etc. Tales worn smooth with use, seeping into our collective bones like so much rain. However, there is one truly great rock casualty who remains unmourned. Spare me your Johnny Ace stories! Bore me not with tales of Sid Vicious nor The Big Bopper! I refer, of course, to the astounding rise and equally spectacular fall of Bugsy the Chimp.
It Seems that John Lennon and Yoko Ono were booked to perform a session of "Free Jazz" on John Peelís Top Gear Radio Show. Getting Free-Form music isnít actually very easy; a Free-Style-Jazz pianist tends to develop his own method, and even if you just plonk up and down the keyboard yourself youíve got some idea of the general sound and rhythms that will emerge. Eventually, Peelís producer John Walters came up with the idea of hiring a Chimpanzee to play the Piano. According to experts, Chimpanzees are happier playing duets (I am not making this up), so subsequently Bugsy + Rosie were driven down from Coventry to the BBCís London studios. Iím assured that when the tape rolled, they were real proís, sitting side by side and, well, playing. Unlike the Lennons who rushed off to the States and have yet to return. Bugsy + Rosie made off, escaping into a schoolyard where they were shot by Police.
Jimi, Janis, BugsyÖ.. in exorably the rock machine extracts its toll on those whom it blesses with a fleeting glimmer of fame.
March 2007 - Gloria Knew One Thing:
If Hubert never saw another day, heíd live to regret the way heíd behaved so appallingly at Tiffanyís last night. Didnít he know the sheer soul-destroying horror of that moment when heíd turned to her - so smug, so patently without pity Ė and revealed that this was it?
The Dream was over.
From now on, he had said, he wasnít taking her to see The Worried Men any more. "At least", thought Gloria, as she took pen to paper, "I will make him know the void this leaves in my heart".
February 2007 - Who Put The Bomp? What Are We Here For? Whose Round Is It?
It was a dark December night. The streets of Bath were white and deserted as I wandered back from the station after one of my frequent forays to the metropolis in search of excitement and salacious gossip from the wonderful world of show business.
Suddenly, a bony hand shot out from a shadowy doorway, seizing me by the left shoulder and dragging me into the murky recesses of the Rats Nostril, a local watering hole of ill repute. As I struggled to retain my balance and my liberty, I caught a brief glimpse of my assailant and a sickening feeling of horror accompanied the recognition of the deformed person of Johnny Winter.
Now, Johnnyís looking forward to seeing yíall at our gig in April, but heís concerned that all the tickets are being snapped up by strangers. I told Johnny that I, too, would be upset if our people overlooked this opportunity and that seemed to placate him, until muttering darkly about Pink Fairies reunion gigs, he melted into the Dickensian haze in the manner of Marleyís ghost.
January 2007 - Advice From Uncle Handsome
Once again, the party season is upon us. Cats, the choice is yours: you can stand in line all day and plop down a weeks money to sit in the back row of a Hockey Rink, squinting down at a stage that looks no bigger than a postage stamp to see a bunch of wimps try to be prettier than the girls in their video, or stroll down to the local tavern, sit up front, wrap your paws around a frosty beezo and dig the heavy-duty hootnanny!
December 2006 - Did Duane Eddy Wear Rebel Trousers?
I was listening to the radio the other day when the newsreader related a story concerning a man who had inserted a rocket into his own rectum and lit it. You could hear the technical staff whooping with gales of incredulous but delighted glee. Even the newsreader eventually eschewed the remaining threads of dignity and succumbed to giggly hysterics. It quite distracted me from getting the Christmas decorations down from the loft. (I almost forgot to shout under the toilet door to see if Patrick was alright.)
- Now Dig This!
Next April weíre playing with living legend Johnny Winter. This promises to be one of those seminal gigs that only happen to other people, those whom you particularly dislike. Tickets are available from us, naturally: If this one doesnít sell out, Iíll kiss Bryan Chapmanís arse in the market place and advertise a month in advance to raise a crowd. Please, please donít miss out on your chance.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and God bless you all for your love and support: A big kiss to you all (except the males).